In The Zone

Lesson Learned from "Dancing With the Stars"

2011-10-26T17:25:00.001-04:00

I have become addicted to this seasons “Dancing With the Stars”. The dynamic cast (as well as my obsession with all things Kardashian) drew me in. I was so happy when I witnessed and heard Maks Chmerkovskiys’ controversial statements Monday night regarding bias judging, as well as his proclamation that DWTS is “my show”. I knew it would just draw up some good drama! I was right. The drama carried over into last night’s results show and this morning.

Since Monday the media has been salivating with the story and “Good Morning America” interviewed him this morning to talk about the controversy. I was utterly taken aback when Maks proclaimed on GMA that he wasn’t going to apologize (and the last time he apologized was to his grandmother on her deathbed). He claimed he was purely speaking the truth and he really didn’t care what others (even members of the DWTS cast) thought of what he had to say.

At first I was negatively shocked by the comments he had made, and immediately judged him for being egotistical and simply a jerk about the situation. But then I took a minute and thought about it. He is only speaking his truth. He is being honest to the one person that matters, himself.

What if we all spoke our truth without fear of what others would think? How freeing would it feel? How many times do you walk through your day telling little white lies like, “sure, I would love to assist on that project”, or “no, I don’t mind at all picking you up on my way to work”? When in reality you are seething because you would rather poke your eye out than work on the project, and picking up your co-worker will make you have to leave the house 15 minutes earlier. We put our truth aside so that we don’t disappoint or hurt someone’s feelings.

In the most basic form, sentences are just words put together. They don’t really mean anything unless we attach meaning to them. If we could digest this, we may be able to handle the truth (even if it isn’t what we expected) without producing negative emotions.

After really thinking about this truth thing, I changed my opinion of Maks. I’m sure what he said had been on the mind of other contestant’s on the show. He was just brave enough to say it. Maks explained that he immigrated to the US from Ukraine as a child. In his home country, he would not be allowed to speak the truth. He is taking advantage of the freedom that citizens of the United States are blessed with. So why don’t we take advantage of it more often? I think DWTS would be way more entertaining if all the stars and professional dancers gave their honest opinions regarding the feedback from Len, Carrie Ann, and Bruno.

Fighting with Reality

2011-09-28T15:33:00.001-04:00

"Circumstances are reality and when you argue with reality you lose, but only 100% of the time."

-Byron Katie

I love this quote from Byron Katie. Whenever I read it I find myself letting out a sigh of relief. I think, “I don’t have to do anything, life plays out as it does and I cannot control this. The only thing I can control is the story I tell myself about life.”

How many times have you told yourself the following?

-That shouldn’t have happened

-He/She shouldn’t have done that

-I shouldn’t have done that

-How could this happen to me

-I don’t deserve this

Recognize how you feel when you think the statements above. Do they bring feelings of joy, gratitude, and happiness? Or do you feel resentment, regret, guilt, and anger?

Whenever I start to tell myself, “that shouldn’t have happened”, I start to feel confused and try to come up with answers and tell myself stories to justify why the circumstance occurred. I argue with myself to find the answer to why it happened. I become angry at myself or others. It doesn’t feel good. I lose.

It’s factual that we cannot go back and change the past; however, a lot of times that is exactly what we try to do. We argue with ourselves and others over circumstances that occurred yesterday, last month, or years ago. We will never win this game.

So what can you do? You can reevaluate the judgment that your mind has created around the situation. You can look closely at the story you are telling yourself about the circumstance. How is this story serving you? Are there other ways you can look at or think about the situation? Once you start to inquire more within your thoughts, you start to be a little more open to reality. You start to understand a story about the situation that may feel better. That doesn’t leave you losing.

If you are interested in inquiring more on your thoughts and the effect they have over your reality, I highly recommend you check out The Work of Byron Katie.

Awestruck

2011-09-15T10:24:00.003-04:00

My husband and I just returned from our final vacation of the summer. We visited family on Cape Cod, and then went to Martha’s Vineyard for a wedding of a good friend of mine.

Throughout this last year, I have been fortunate to spend some time in the Caribbean. The crystal clear ocean and white sand beaches are truly stunning. However, nothing compares to spending time near the Atlantic on the east coast.

Do you remember the first time you saw the ocean? I was around 9 or 10 and my family went camping with some friends in Maine. I will never forget when I walked over the sand dunes and saw for the first time the massive body of water, the Atlantic Ocean. I gasped out loud and was speechless. I saw the most beautiful navy blue water with no end in sight. It was completely mesmerizing (kind of like watching a camp fire). At that moment I felt so small and insignificant compared to this ocean. So much history has occurred within its boundaries. It’s the most beautiful thing, yet it can be deadly. I started thinking about all the marine life that was thriving underneath the water – a whole new world under there…

Now that I am older with much more responsibility and experiences under my belt, beautiful things in life sometimes pass me by without me giving it a second thought. I’m always moving fast trying to get the next thing accomplished. This trip to the ocean reminded me to slow down and absorb all the beauty this world has to offer.

The Joys of Transition

2011-09-01T16:09:00.002-04:00

Since leaving my job, I have been journaling my transition - my transition from full time employment to self-employment/entrepreneurship. It’s interesting to me how quickly we forget how we react when going through a major transition in life.

It has been 4 months since I left my full-time job. I can look back now and realize that I really didn’t have a concrete game plan in place when I left my job. Yes, I planned on pursuing a career as a Life Coach and by December want to own my own coaching business, but I didn’t fully think about everything that would have to transgress between now and then. I couldn’t get past my excitement of leaving a 40 hour a week job that I had become stagnant in. The excitement was as far as my feelings would take me.

Once that first Monday came around where I didn’t have to wake up and drive to an office I felt lost. I didn’t know where to start. I was close to paralyzed with indecision. There were days when waking up was difficult because I had a whole day of nothing planned and that made me anxious. I tried to incorporate a routine workout program, only to feel so tired in the morning that I would sleep through my “scheduled” workout. I would come up with great ideas on programs to create, or ways to advertise myself, but then fear would overcome me and I would hear a little voice saying, “that’s stupid, no one cares, don’t do it”, and I would follow the voice.

I became angry with myself. I thought something was wrong with me. I would constantly ask myself, “Why am I so tired? Why can’t I make a decision? How did I just spend three hours on Facebook/Twitter/LinkedIn? What do people think of me? Wonder if I completely fail at this entrepreneur thing?” This went on for weeks.

Then slowly, I began to have more energy. I found myself waking up at 6 am for my morning ritual of watching Joyce Meyer on TV, prayer and devotion, then working out. I actually started sticking to an exercise plan. I realized that as I was exercising, I would come up with ideas, and these ideas would put me on a path of action for the day. I set out to accomplish a few things each day, even if it was just to pay the bills. Once I accomplished one thing, it gave me the momentum to keep going.

I realized that when I have an idea, I have to jump on it before the devilish voice defeats me. Acting on the ideas generated meetings with people, where I was actually getting out of the house! Instead of feeling overwhelmed, I started being more aware to what felt right to me. This lead me to make more confident decisions, and once I decided on something I moved right ahead without questioning myself.

I was reading my journal of the last few months and I realized how far I have come. I am in no way where I want to be, but I have more focus and confidence and my thoughts are so much more positive! I feel so blessed for pursuing a career that I am really passionate and excited about. I look forward to the challenges ahead. I feel blessed for everything around me and for what the last four months have taught me.

I wish I would have remembered that with any transition (high school to college, single to married, job to new job) there is an adjustment period. I believe it’s your unconscious mind telling you that things have changed and it may take a while to get back on a comfortable track. I would have been kinder to myself and enjoyed the time knowing that this too shall pass.

How Wealthy is Your Emotional Bank?

2011-08-25T14:33:00.003-04:00

"The happiest moments my heart knows are those in which it is pouring forth its affections to a few esteemed characters." - Thomas Jefferson

I recently spent a fun-loving weekend in Boston celebrating my girlfriends last days as a single woman. I have known her from the time we were 3 years old. We went through elementary school together and then in middle school we were placed on different “teams” which separated us from having any classes together, and hardly seeing each other between classes. We drifted for a bit, but in High School we became close again. We introduced each other to new friends and shared experiences such as crushes, proms, first boyfriends, applying to colleges, petty adolescent female “cattiness”, my parents’ divorce, alcohol (this experience didn’t end well) and partying. I always knew I could count on her. She was a solid fixture in my life.

We both ventured on to different colleges and in that time we gained more friends. None of these friendships replaced the strong foundation of the relationship we had with each other.

After college, I moved to California and she moved to Boston. Our friendship remained.

At some point in our early 20’s we both ended relationships with our boyfriends. We became single woman in our 20’s trying to navigate our worlds. We leaned on each other more than anything. We had phone calls multiple times a week. A lot of times they were consumed with three topics – boys, money, and career. We became experts in each other’s life. We would make early Saturday morning phone calls to share our Friday night details. We often joked that we were leading parallel lives – she was living it in the big city and I was living it in the suburb of Syracuse.

Then three years ago, I met my husband and a few months after that she met her soon-to-be husband. Once again, our lives paralleled. Now she’s getting married, close to a year after I did.

Looking back on our friendship, the thing that kept us in tact is that we constantly invested in each other’s Emotional Bank.

What is an Emotional Bank? This is really similar to a regular bank account. Deposits of cash are made and cash is withdrawn. However, with an Emotional Bank, cash is equated to support, kind words, a lending ear, air plane tickets, long phone conversations, lunch dates, etc. For example, spending a half hour talking to a friend about her broken heart generates a deposit from you in her Emotional Bank. If it’s a good friendship, she will deposit into your Emotional Bank at some point by comforting you.

See, my friend and I would constantly make deposits in each other’s banks. She flew out to see me in California – that was a HUGE deposit for me. In return, I withdrew from my Emotional Bank and would visit her in Boston. One of us constantly made an effort. We haven’t lived in the same city in over 10 years, and yet we are still bonded. Our Emotional Banks are overwhelmed with deposits.

This is really as simple as give and take. When you give something, most of the time you receive something in return. It may be a tangible or non-tangible (friendship) item. But, if you keep giving –or withdrawing from your Emotional Bank for someone and they aren’t making any deposits back, you will soon become bankrupt and it will probably be the end of the friendship. I’m sure you have said, “I can only give so much!” once or twice when you are in a relationship where you felt you were giving your all and not getting anything back.

I’m not writing all this to share about my great friendship, though I do feel gratitude toward our friendship. My intention is to get you to think about relationships that you haven’t been feeling so great about, or a friendship that’s dwindling. Think about a way you can make an Emotional Deposit in someone’s life? It may take time to really build up the Emotional Bank, but eventually, you will start to feel those deposits returned to you in amazing ways, along with the blessing of a healthy friendship.

Interview with Andrea Owen from Your Kick Ass Life Coaching

2011-08-17T14:12:00.002-04:00

I came upon Andrea Owen while searching YouTube for coaching clips. This video appeared called “Kick Your Gremlin’s Ass” and I was totally intrigued. Not only was the video hilarious, but it was so true to life for me. I immediately hopped over to her website and have been following her inspirational messages ever since. I was super excited when she agreed to be interviewed for my blog! Check it out!

Andrea Owen is a professional life coach and speaker. She is passionate about empowering women and girls to value their character and feel beautiful by manifesting respect and love for themselves first and foremost. She has helped hundreds of people manage their inner-critic to break through and live their most kick-ass life.

I love the name “Your Kick Ass Life Coaching”. What inspired this name?

For almost 10 years I've lived by the mantra, "Life is too short for it to not kick ass". Even before I knew what life coaching was! A few years later I started a blog under the name "Live Your Ideal Life" which was okay, but didn't really match who I was. When it came time to launch my business I purchased the url, but something inside me was dragging my feet. I kept going back to my mantra and talked it over with a friend. She asked me why I didn't have "kick-ass" as my business name and I said, "I cannot use the word "ass" professionally!" and she laughed and responded with, "Why? Are you afraid you're going to offend someone?" And Your Kick-Ass Life was born.

What has caused you to be an activist for women and girl empowerment?

It started years ago when I met Jessica Weiner who is the Global Ambassador for the Dove Self-Esteem fund. She trained me to host workshops for young girls to help them build self-esteem and confidence. Also, I spent some time working as a personal fitness trainer. Many of my clients were up for working on their bodies, thinking it would bring them happiness. It was overwhelming to me how much some of them lacked self-esteem. I wanted so badly to help them, but it was beyond the scope of my job. Those two things made me realize my true calling: To help women empower themselves and to love themselves in order to live their own kick-ass life.

Tell me a little bit about those gremlins?

Your gremlin is your inner-critic. The voice that is sometimes mean, perhaps it tells you you're stupid, ugly, whatever. Or, it may just strip you of power, telling you you can't follow your dreams because it's too risky, too much money, you're too old, etc. Our gremlins have evolved with us and grown up with us and will always be with us. Some people live their whole lives assuming that this is their truth, because the gremlins primary job is to present itself as truth. Sneaky, right?

This is the one thing my clients tell me helped them the most when we work together. The thing they walked away with as being the most helpful. So, I decided to save people time and money and put together an ebook and workbook called, "Kick Your Gremlin's Ass: Manage Your Inner-Critic to Live a Kick-Ass Life".

While we can't remove it from our lives, it certainly can be managed!

How do you manage to balance your family and business?

I don't. ha! I honestly think "balance" is unattainable, just as "perfect" is. I feel it's just another thing for us to think we need to have in order to not only be happy, but something to think everyone else has except us. I think we can have harmony instead. Whenever we say "yes" to something, we are saying "no" to something else. When we focus on the things that we value the most and the things we truly love, harmony is with us.

Has your potty mouth ever gotten you in trouble? LOL!

Not yet! My writing style is exactly how I am in real life. People that know me very well have told me they can hear my voice when they read my writing and I take that as such a compliment. I don't believe in sugar-coating, I think we get too much of that. The hard truth is hard to come by, but so very important in our own self-discovery and growth. And a few f-bombs never hurt anyone. When I first started writing, I censored myself and it was no fun at all. How can I write about LIVING your life and being your authentic self if I'm feeling ashamed to say the word, "shit"?

How Can You Make a Miserable Job Work For You?

2011-08-10T17:30:00.003-04:00

Are you feeling stuck at work? Does your job make you dread waking up in the morning? We spend so much time at work that it’s a shame if you can’t find something that brings you joy while you are there.

Sometimes leaving your job isn’t an option. However, you don’t have to live a life of misery. Here are some tips that just may change the way you feel about work:

-Write a list of all the tasks that you actually enjoy doing in your job, even if it is only one or two things. Try to find a way to perform these tasks more throughout the day.

For example, if you really like interacting with customers, then try to talk to your customers more and find out what they like, and what they would like to see change. And just think how impressed your boss will be when you are able to come up with a solution that increases customer sales, purely through the feedback you received by talking with the customers. Plus, your customers will feel more valued!

-Become an expert at something, preferably something you are interested in.

Maybe you work with Microsoft Excel spreadsheets a lot. Take a class to deepen your knowledge of the program, and then share your knowledge with co-workers. Chances are people will start coming to you with questions about Excel and word will get around. Wouldn’t it feel good if the CEO comes to you because he can’t figure out how to “split” a workbook (little Excel lingo for ya!)? Plus, it’s really hard to get rid of someone who is providing the office with knowledge that no one else has.

-Don’t take yourself too seriously; it’s ONLY A JOB after all!

Sometimes we get so caught up in working, that we forget the many other things that we have going on in our life (the great things) – dinner with friends, enjoying your kids, the good book you can’t put down, our favorite TV show (The Office for me), milestone celebrations, etc. All I am saying is, sometimes you need to put into perspective that your life is composed of a lot more than your job. Put in your time when you are there, and when you are not there, forget about it!

-If you hate your boss, try to find a way not to.

I have news for you. If you hate your boss, she/he knows it! I am sure your hate permeates through you at times. And really think about this – would you give a raise or promotion to someone who hated you? Probably not…So you are going to have to find a way to stop being a hater. This isn’t easy, but it can start with changing your thoughts. If you start to think of your boss as someone who is purely trying to complete their job with your help, and remove the personal things that are involved (ie – the tone they take with you, how they demand something from you, how they make you feel) then you will be able to remove some of the feelings you have connected with your boss. And remember, it’s rarely all about you! We get so caught up in how our bosses treat us sometimes, that we think we must be the “special” one that they target. But this is usually not the case. If you take the time to see how they treat other people, you will see similarities.

I challenge you to give one or more of these a try and let me know how it goes! And if you have been dealing with this for a while, I would love to hear more tips you may have for bringing more joy (and less misery) into your job?

What Gets In The Way Of Trusting Your Instinct?

2011-08-03T17:50:00.003-04:00

I contemplated bringing my huge golf umbrella in with me to Starbucks. After all, it was only slightly raining, and I was sure I could run into the café without getting soaked. Plus, this is Syracuse, NY. It rarely rains ALL DAY (now snow is a different story). However, here I am, over 3 hours later sitting in Starbucks and the rain still has not let up. It’s actually been raining really hard since I entered the café. Oh, and I decided not to bring the umbrella in with me.

This got me to thinking, how many times have I made a decision, only to decide to follow a different path than what I had decided on at the last minute? I find myself doing this a lot. Here are a few examples.

-Since my gas light is on, I decide to get gas on my way home from work so that I won’t have to deal with it in the morning. Once I start my venture home, I decide I am too tired and will just go straight home. Once the morning comes, I am running late anyway, and now I am much later because I have to get gas if I want to go anywhere! This is when I start cursing myself.

-I decide that I will pack for a weekend away the day before leaving. This gives me time to pick my outfits, gather my jewelry, makeup, etc. Then I tell myself that there’s no need to pack so early. I end up packing in a hurry and with frustration the day we leave. Then I am running late which is aggravating.

I guess what I am learning is that my first instincts are usually the best ones. I need to trust these and rely on them more. Usually, the little red guy comes along and gives me a million reasons why I shouldn’t trust myself. Sometimes I just have to fight back! Last night I started obsessing about how badly the house needed to be vacuumed. I told myself that I would vacuum after my favorite show, The Office, was over. Once it ended, guess what happened? The red guy came along and told me that I could vacuum in the morning so no need to get off the couch! I firmly told him to stop. I stood up, got out the vacuum and the rest is history. I ended up going to bed with a cleaner house and one less thing I had to worry about today.

Was there a time in the past when you ignored your instinct? What happened? What gets in the way of you trusting your first instinct?

Six Principles

2011-07-27T21:40:00.002-04:00

When people hear that I heard Rudolph Giuliani speak at the “Get Motivated” seminar, they often want to know what his message was. I was really impressed by his openness to discuss 9/11, and inspired by his basic principles of success:

1. Find a mentor, someone that is doing what you achieve to do, and listen to what they have to say.

2. Make sure your read books. If you don’t like to read, find a topic that interests you and then buy books on it. He hated to read, but loved the NY Yankees so his parents bought him books on the NY Yankees and that sparked his interest in reading. Now he is always reading – one book for pleasure and one book for personal growth.

3. Write things down. Take notes. Make pro/con lists. Write down your goals!

4. Everyday do nothing for five minutes (relax).

5. Learn how to listen and ask questions of those you look up to.

6. It’s better to be around when things go wrong then when they go right.

Maybe you are already instilling these principles in your life. If so, which ones? If not, what principles can you start applying now?

What Was Lacking In Your Twenties?

2011-07-20T15:54:00.004-04:00

For the first time ever, I ran my credit report. As I was reviewing it, I realized that I had charged thousands of dollars on credit cards starting at 19 years old. It was only recently that I stopped using credit cards, and I can honestly say that I no longer possess a lot of the items that were purchased on credit. I remember many times when I needed a new shirt to wear out on Friday night, or my friends wanted to go out for dinner, or I decided I deserved a weekend away in Boston even though I didn’t have the cash to pay for it. The credit cards always came to the rescue and made things happen. I am still paying cash on a monthly basis for those bad decisions that were years ago!

I really believe that one of the reasons I made some of those decisions was because I was confused! I didn’t really know what I wanted or what I believed in. I graduated college and was instantly removed from my five best friends that I had lived with for a year or longer. I also lost the flexibility that’s allowed in college. The story I had always believed was that I would graduate college and get a job and live happily ever after! This story was far from the truth. I was extremely let down when I started working full time. I felt as if my job was my life and it was suffocating me. I ended up taking refuge in material things, or going out partying with friends. At 23 years old I told myself that I was young and would eventually grow up and get a good paying job to pay off the debt! I have learned that this is also a lie.

It wasn’t until about five years later that I decided I needed to figure out who I was as an individual and what I wanted out of my life. I was enrolled in graduate school and getting my Masters in Counseling and I figured that I should probably experience counseling for myself if I was going to be a counselor. I started seeing a counselor on a weekly basis. Within a few months, I started breaking down the beliefs that I had about myself, as well as examining the expectations that others had placed on me.

I noticed that as I started to become more emotionally raw and in tune with my true self, I started finding less joy in shopping. I learned that some of the things that I value are freedom and security. I knew that it would be impossible to have either of these with enormous debt. I also became more confident with who I was as a person which caused me to be more assertive and speak up if I was unable to afford something. This self-exploration changed the way I use and value money.

The reason I am sharing all of this is because I have been reflecting a lot lately on the life that I led in my twenties. For the most part, I loved that decade of my life, but I really wish I would have taken more time early on to get in touch with my true self. College was a great time for me to gain responsibility, make friends, and learn about the field I thought I was interested in, but I didn’t learn a whole lot about me. Once you are removed from your parents, it’s the perfect time to figure out who you are independent of them, but I don’t know of any classes in college that teach this.

More recently, I have found some really great resources on this subject and I wish I would have known about these while I was going through my little twenty something crisis. Christine Hassler has written a few books on this subject, “20 Something 20 Everything” and “20 Something Manifesto”. I read both of these and did the exercises. I wish I would have read them 10 years ago! Jenny Blake has an amazing blog that is chocked full of tips for “Life After College”, which is the title of her new book. If you are feeling at all like you are in a twenty or thirty something crisis, I encourage you to check these amazing women out! They have coached me a lot through their books and blogs and don’t even know it!

I would love to hear if others have had a similar experience in their twenties? If not, what do you think helped prepare you for life after graduation?

Decisions

2011-07-13T21:27:00.000-04:00

I gave myself a sick day. Coming off of a hilarious, party-hardy, lost my voice weekend with my girlfriends, I still have a bit of a “fun-hangover”, and it is Wednesday already! I got out of bed at 6 a.m., only to sneak back to bed at 7 a.m. after my husband left for work.

While waking up from my early a.m. nap, I told myself today is going to be a waste…I was fighting a cold, didn’t have my voice, and I was just sooo tired! The joy of being self-employed is that you don’t have to call your boss to tell them you’re sick and won’t be coming into work. This is also the downside of being self-employed. You can have as many sick days as you would like (whether they are justified or not).

Ok, so I am feeling tired, have a raspy voice and the sniffles. I don’t have to go out in public or expose others to my germs. There really was no reason I couldn’t knock of the few goals I set for myself today.

I’m not going to say that I turned the day around and crossed off everything on my “To Do” list...I actually spent most of the day having an internal fight with myself that centered around getting stuff done versus lying on the couch. However, there came a point in the day where I recognized that I could either continue to fight with myself to step away from the couch, or I could make a decision to be OK with my laziness. Tomorrow is always a new day and the “To Do” list will still be there. I chose to keep my sick day.

Regain Your Freedom

2011-07-06T13:54:00.000-04:00

With Independence Day passing, the word “freedom” was mentioned a lot. This got me thinking about the country we live in, and how much freedom and independence we are privileged to have as citizens of the United States. However, I still hear people every day who talk as if they have lost their freedom. They are in jobs or relationships that are holding them captive, or the economy is bad so they have to put their dream on hold, or they don’t have enough money just yet, and on and on.

It can be difficult to live the life we want at times when we feel as if outside circumstances are holding us hostage. There came a point in my life where I became so overly conscious of the horrible things that were going on in the world that I began to live my life in fear of these things. For example, if my husband was five minutes late getting home, I told myself that he had been in a horrible car accident and then I would obsessively try to get a hold of him. Or, this is really funny, I would hurry through my morning shower because I thought for sure someone was going to break in and attack me while I was showering. My fear was manifesting into my own personal jail cell.

Then I decided one day that I had to make a change. I stopped watching the morning and evening news, and stayed away from websites that focused on the latest headlines. I began to free myself from the fear that had started to trap me. My thoughts were no longer filled with the horrid stories that were occurring in the world. I began to live a little more carefree and worry a lot less. I regained my freedom.

Have you lost your freedom somewhere along the way? It’s important to keep in mind that as long as you are living in this country, you are free! But the power lies within you to live a life of freedom.

Remember, people have sacrificed their lives fighting for freedom. We should not take advantage of it. What decision will you make today to set yourself free?

2011-06-29T17:13:00.003-04:00

What Defines Success?

What does it mean to be successful? We often tie our success to our careers. If we have the “grand” title than we are successful, if we earn six figures or more than we are successful, if we are well known in our industry, than we are successful, and so on and so on. However, we have also heard stories about people who are supposedly very successful – in our opinion, but in truth they are miserable with themselves and living out a sad life.

Often we compare our success to what we see in other people. If our definition of success matches up with the life they are living, then we want to do something similar to them to gain these results. For example, I think Oprah is very successful. I admire how she has transformed her live, and helped millions of people in the process. However, if I go out and host a talk show, my own magazine and TV network, will that make ME successful? Probably not because these things I have no interest in. It’s Oprah’s personality and her mindset that have made her so successful.

So what does define success? How can we really know if we are successful? I have been pondering this question lately and really thinking about what success means to me. And how will I know when I am successful in my career, or as a wife, friend, or eventually a mother? One way I would suggest figuring out what defines success for you is thinking about how it makes you feel. Think of a time when you thought you were successful and reflect on the feelings that this event created? Hopefully they were positive feelings such as happiness, relieve, a sense of pride, excitement, joy, etc. What did you bring to the table that caused this success? Maybe you studied hard and passed the bar exam or you organized a presentation that received glowing feedback. These accomplishments incorporate a characteristic within you that will lead you to success in any area of life, not just your career.

As I am writing this, I am starting to realize what success means to me. Success means to me being my authentic self in everything I do. This isn’t always easy, but it sure feels good when it happens! So what does success mean to you?

2011-06-22T20:11:00.002-04:00

What If

I always felt blessed that I lived my life with relatively little anxiety. However, more recently, “anxiety” and I have become acquaintances. The Webster’s Dictionary defines anxiety as “abnormal fear that lacks a specific cause”. I have also heard it defined as worrying about the future or worrying about things that are out of your control. Venturing into a new career path has caused some anxiety to spark up in my everyday life. I have found myself saying, “breath” out loud more than once. Sometimes I think there is actually a little devil in my head that implants these thoughts to purposely drive me crazy!

For example, I hate making phone calls to people I don’t know. This is definitely something I am trying to work on. I won’t even order pizza because I dread the phone so much! Recently, I had to make a phone call to a woman to get some details on a presentation I was doing for her company. As soon as I thought about making the phone call, my mind starting running ahead with “what if’s”: What if she has a question I don’t know the answer to? What if I have to leave her a voicemail and then she doesn’t get back to me right away, should I call again? And if I have to call her again, how long should I wait before I make the call? What if I completely sound like an idiot on the phone and she decides she doesn’t want me to present? What if she isn’t nice? And on and on and on…so even before I picked up the phone, I had already sold myself that the call was going to go horribly wrong and I was going to lose the presentation.

What I came to realize is that I was getting myself all worked up and creating a lot of anxiety because I was letting thoughts creep in that had no absolute truth behind them. I had no idea how this woman on the phone was going to react so why did I automatically have to think the worst case scenario? In reality there are a million other scenarios that could occur. Plus, I was putting all of this energy (and time) into worrying about something that I didn’t have control over. It can be so exhausting!

What if instead of automatically generating negative thoughts or thoughts that produced worry, we pondered on all the wonderful possibilities? Maybe instead of thinking about all the horrible things that could occur in a 5 minute phone conversation, I can focus on the positive things? Or, I can just be in the moment, not in the future nor the past, and leave it up to the Universe to work out for me? Wouldn’t life be so much more enjoyable?

Secret Interest

2011-06-15T15:22:00.000-04:00

I have a secret – I am in love with time management systems and techniques. I find myself constantly reading about the latest time management tips. I get a thrill from pulling out my massive (think bible size) red day planner and using a newly sharpened pencil to write down an appointment or schedule out my days months in advance (yes, I have not conformed to an electronic calendar and I make no apologies for this).

More recently, I was waking up in the morning with a million and one thoughts about what I should accomplish in the day ahead, but I didn’t have a plan of attack. Even though I have a deep interest in time management, I still don’t always instill these principles in my day to day life. After a rather non-productive day trying to do as much as possible without really doing anything, I looked at my ever growing “To Do” list and noticed a task: Watch DVD’s. I then remembered that Dave had let me borrow some DVD’s that focus on the aspects of running a business. I pulled out the DVD’s and one of them was a presentation from Chet Holmes on his secrets of time management. Well of course this would be the one I watch first because of my hunger for time management techniques.

I am not sure if God was sending me a message this day by directing me to the DVD, but after I watched it I felt relieve come over me. I was now equipped with the knowledge to actually knock items of my “To Do” list. Chet Holmes had outlined a few simple steps to stay organized and productive:

1. Make a list of the six most important things you want to accomplish in a day (you can keep a longer list of ongoing items you would like to accomplish).

2. Next to each of the six things you wrote down, allocate time for them.

3. Transfer the six things into your day.

4. Prioritize and make sure the most important tasks are at the beginning of your day (you are less likely to be interrupted earlier in the day before things really get moving).

5. Schedule time for email and miscellaneous things that may come up.

Half of the battle sometimes is making the time to actually organize your six most important things. However, in reality this only takes about five minutes and from my experience so far, you get those five minutes back from time that you are not spending wondering what to do next. I am practicing Chet Holmes techniques in my daily life and I wake up each morning knowing exactly what I should be working on. There is no more questioning, or dabbling in this or that…I accomplish a lot more! I encourage you to try out this system for yourself and let me know what you think? Since I am a time management addict, I want to hear your time management tips?

Odd Day

2011-05-11T10:55:00.000-04:00

Odd Day

Today has been an extremely odd day for me. Two months ago, I resigned from my full time job to pursue what has become my passion – personal coaching (or life coaching). I came upon this career four years ago while watching Oprah. Since then, I have been obsessed with this career path. I researched the internet and read books from some of the biggest names in the field, Tony Robbins, Martha Beck, Dan Miller and many more.

One day, my supervisor asked me what my long term goals were. I expressed to her my interest in life coaching and how I would love to move into this career path someday. It wasn’t long after this that she connected me with David Muraco, Personal and Professional Coach and CEO of In The Zone-Personal and Professional Coaching Solutions. I immediately scheduled a meeting with David. I was excited that there was a life coach in the area. Most of the coaches I researched were in major metropolitan areas.

I met with David in August of 2009 and his energy and optimism immediately intrigued me. Shortly after that, he offered to coach and mentor me. Since we started working together, I have accomplished many of the goals I set for myself. However, one of those goals seemed extremely lofty at the time – pursue life coaching as a full time career. During one of our coaching sessions, David asked me when I thought it would be realistic for me to move into coaching as a full time job. I told him there is no way I could accomplish this anytime soon, it would be at least five years. And I had a million excuses, or limiting beliefs as I like to call them, as to why this wouldn’t happen any time soon, if ever.

It’s been a year since I had that conversation with David and here I sit – pursuing my dream of life coaching full time through In The Zone, and eventually within my own business. From the time we had that conversation, I started telling my husband, closest friends, and family about my goal. I started taking small steps toward the goal and envisioned myself in this lifestyle. I reached out to people who had left their job to open a business, or go into the coaching field and picked their brain for tips or advice. I continued to read anything I could get my hands on regarding not only coaching, but also entrepreneurship and owning a small business.

Then, two months ago I did what I consider to be the scariest thing in my life so far (I was seriously nauseous and thought I was going to hyperventilate). I sat down with my supervisor and gave my two months notice, making my last day April 29, 2011. I knew I was taking a chance because I could have been told to take my stuff and leave that day. However, I wanted to finish up the semester, and give them enough time to find my replacement and help train this person. I was fortunate that this worked out in my favor and I left my job on good terms.

The last week of work was surreal for me. I felt numb. Everyone was SO supportive of me. No matter how crazy they may have thought I was - leaving my full time job for something that wasn’t secure, nor producing a paycheck just yet - they never passed any negativity my way. I felt blessed to have such wonderful people surrounding me. That will be what I miss most about my past job, the supportive family atmosphere. So I left my office on April 29th, not really processing what was going on, or that I wouldn’t be going back.

After this, my husband and I went on an eight day vacation to the Caribbean. I thought this would be the perfect way to relax and then come back ready to hit my new career head on. I wasn’t as relaxed as I would have liked. I was really anxious and I didn’t sleep well. Everyday I said out loud, “What have I done? Am I crazy for leaving my job when there are a lot of people looking for work?” My husband would reassure me, as he always does, that I did the right thing. He has faith in me, and I just need to take things a day at a time. I was already worried about money, and wandered if we didn’t save enough, and will our relationship become a mess because of our decision to pursue my dream? A lot of worrying was going on…

So now that this day has come, the day that I have been looking forward to for a while, I thought I would feel extremely excited and energized this morning – I didn’t. Even though I planned my schedule out ahead of time for today, I still felt overwhelmed this morning and not sure where to start. I am so used to spending my day in an office with choices to make that pertain specifically to my job. Now I feel that I have A LOT of choices to make on a daily basis (ie – should I do the laundry or work on my business plan). I think organization, time management, and priorities will take on a whole new meaning to me. I am thankful that I reached out to a good friend to share with her how my day was going. She sent me the perfect email to assure me that I have what it takes to make this happen, and she provided some great ideas to try to keep myself focused (she was definitely my coach for today!). I am sure as time goes on this will become the new normal for me and the days won’t feel as odd…

I am P-ssed!

2011-03-15T08:53:00.000-04:00

You know I don’t know if I can even say “I am P-ssed” but I am going to anyway. I am so P-ssed off right now I can scream. I know it has been sometime since I have written any articles and that is just one of the many reasons I am p-ssed off. Let me list why I am so mad right now:

• I am p-ssed at myself for not raising my standards to meet my outcomes.

• I am p-ssed at myself for letting people influence some of my decisions.

• I am p-ssed at everyone I talk to that tells me all the bad things in their life.

• I am p-ssed at business owners who would rather tell me what they can’t do than what they can do.

• I am p-ssed at all the people out their blaming everyone else for their challenges in their life.

• I am p-ssed that government is for the government and not for the people anymore.

• I am p-ssed that we as a society choose to be average instead of great.

• I am p-ssed that we encourage kids to be like everyone one else, instead of being their own person.

• I am p-ssed that individuals and organizations want results but don’t want to do the work to reap the rewards.

Think you get the picture. Often times I coach people to not let their anger take over, and for the most part that is true. But there comes a time when you need to use it, channel it and let it explode all over the map. This is that time for me. This is the day that I refuse to lower my standards to meet someone else’s expectations. Gone are the days of letting someone say “I wish it was easier” and then me agreeing with them. The quote the late great Jim Rohn “Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better.” Stop complaining about how bad it is and do something about it. Raise your standards beyond your expectations of life. Deliver more than people ask for or even expect. What kind of world would we have it that was the norm instead of the exception. Not too long ago this world was built on the idea that anything was possible, new discoveries, new lands and new adventures. I am p-ssed that it took me this long to feel this way, but exhilarated at the opportunities that lie ahead of me.

Remember be positive, be real, and life you life In The Zone.

Bucket List

2011-01-24T12:03:00.001-05:00

Anyone that even slightly knows me is aware that I am a HUGE fan of Oprah Winfrey. Such a big fan in fact that my mother at one point had to tell me that it was really becoming annoying that I was starting every sentence with “Oprah says…” So, it’s probably no surprise that I was watching Oprah while she was shooting her show from Australia. Oprah commented that everyone should have a trip to Australia on their Bucket List, and at that moment, I started thinking about my own Bucket List…I actually was thinking of the lack of my own Bucket List.

I do believe strongly in having personal and professional goals, but for some reason, January is almost over and I still cannot get myself to sit down and figure out what my goals for 2011 will be. However, the idea of a Bucket List is exciting to me! It takes into account the big dreams you want fulfilled, the experiences you want to have, and the joy you want to get out of life before you die – which we all know is inevitable.

I have been thinking hard, but not too hard since a Bucket List is not supposed to be painful to create, and I have come up with a start to my List:

1. Drive across the United States in an RV visiting as many states as possible along the way.

2. Complete a marathon.

3. Live debt free! Pay cash for everything.

4. Visit Australia – I have always wanted to do this, not just because Oprah was their!

5. Visit Disneyland as if I was a child again.

I suggest that you take some time to really think about what excites you! What have you always wanted to do that seemed impossible! You never know when opportunities will arise that will allow you to cross off one of the items on the List. And in the meantime, it allows you to dream a little like a kid creating their Christmas List for Santa! So what will be on your Bucket List?

Kristen Semrau-Mattison is a Life Coach, Career Counselor, and Inspirational Speaker. With over 10 years experience working with a diverse range of individuals and organizations, Kristen has helped many to fulfill their personal and professional goals in various capacities. To receive a FREE 45 minute Coaching Session from Kristen please visit http://www.in-the-zone.biz/

The Changes that Matter

2010-11-24T12:15:00.001-05:00

A lot has changed since I last wrote a column:

Turned the clocks back
Had our big mid-term elections
Baseball season ended
Basketball and Hockey seasons started

Lots and lots of things are different. New people were elected to Congress, the Senate and local government. Lebron James made his debut with the Miami Heat -- much to the dislike of NBA fans all across the country.

Lots and lots of change all around us.

So the question I will ask you is this: How it has all of this changed your life? Do you feel different? Do you think that this new congressman or State Senator will help deliver some big change that will give you great promise and hope of a fulfilled life? Do you really care if Lebron James wins an NBA championship or not? And for that matter, will it bring you great joy and happiness to see him lose?

You see, change is all around us: seasons change, elected officials change, and even our favorite athletes change teams, and none of it really matters. In our lives not one of these things makes a difference. Only what we do, and how we change truly matters in our lives.

Sitting in front of the TV pointing fingers at elected officials, saying how bad this country is screwed up, does not give you a solution to your situation. Iit gives you a crutch to lean on.

Such is the story of a man who sits at a wedding making fun of everyone dancing but never dances the dance of life. We are in an incredible time in history. Some will come out of this with the taste of living an extremely fulfilled life. Others will come out of it saying the same thing they did going into it: “ if that SOB didn’t get elected things would have been a lot better” or “If my boss was not suck a jerk I would be running this company.”

One of my mentors is a man who I never met but have read all of his books and I listen to many of his CD’s. His name is Jim Rohn. Jim had a quote I would like to share with you. He said, “For some reason people don’t like birthdays much when they get older, I think the reason is simple that there are more candles on their cake than accomplishments in their life”. I

Now answer me this question – Is that what you want -- to be the person who regrets birthdays because you spent most of your adult life surviving instead of living?

Folks I am not saying you have to be a millionaire. Hell, I’m not saying anything about money. What I am saying is what is the one thing you want to do that you don’t do? It could be as little as volunteering for your favorite charity or starting your own business, it is up to you to decide.

But, if you spent the rest of your days surviving, I promise you when your time comes, you will be surrounded by your family. If you spent your time living, I promise you, when your time comes, you will be surrounded by all those you have touched in your life.

There is old saying not sure who said it, but it goes like this:

“Accept today as it is, for yesterday is gone and tomorrow has not come yet.”

The only thing that has control over any of us in this world is………………………………………US. Congratulations now that you have control do something about it. Welcome Back, God bless.

Remember be positive, be real and live your life In The Zone

Have you ever gotten stuck in a really bad snow storm?

2010-10-07T13:31:00.000-04:00

Love to hear from you, please post comments below.

2010-10-01T11:32:00.001-04:00

The difference between pain and injury

2010-08-30T10:31:00.000-04:00

Often times in sports, you’ll hear someone say there’s a difference between Pain and Injury.

The problem is, they never explain what the difference is. Pain, as we define it, is an unpleasant feeling or discomfort. Injury is defined as damage or harm caused to the structure or function of the body caused by an outside or force.

Sports metaphors mirror life so often it’s nearly impossible not to use them time and time again.

I meet so many people that mistake pain for injury in life. Everytime I talk with someone, they lay out to me all of the unpleasant feelings or discomfort they have in their life. They take the pain they are experiencing and turn it into an injury that sidelines them from moving forward in their life.

Pain is a natural part of life. You can’t have pleasure unless you go through the pain.

Injury by definition is caused by an outside force. More so often than not, we immediately want to point out that our life is where it is by circumstances and outside forces against us. The harsh reality that we refuse to look at, or even take responsibility for, is that it is our own fault. Believe it or not we would rather fake the injury in life than take on the pain of what is real. Now I know that what you are asking yourself right now is: - “That is easy for you to say. You have no idea what my life is like”.

Well that maybe true, but it also may not be true. While there may be no real way to know, the reality is that we fake injuries to avoid the pain of what is real more often than we care to acknowledge. Being real with ourselves is one of the most painful things we may ever take on. But it also yields the biggest pleasure you may ever experience. From time to time we will all experience pain, which is a part of life. Understanding the difference between pain and injury is a critical factor in the decisions we make with our life. An injury keeps you on the bench watching and wishing you could be out there. Pain is unpleasant but still allows you to play, and most importantly Win! If you don’t play you can never win. What do you want to do? Fake the injury or play with pain?

Remember be positive, be real, and live your life In The Zone.

Luis Diaz Live On Coaching In The Zone

2010-08-26T22:40:00.000-04:00

Maria Gamb Live On Coaching In The Zone

2010-08-19T09:56:00.000-04:00

Breakthroughs

2010-08-10T11:52:00.000-04:00

My Mentor and now Professional Colleague Tony Robbins has a new TV show called “Breakthroughs” Tuesday nights on NBC.

In the show, he breaks down extremely difficult challenges certain individuals are facing in order for them to have the breakthrough needed to see it from a different perspective. The reviews are all over the place, from one person saying it is a glorified infomercial to another saying: “Breakthrough with Tony Robbins is a fantastic show that inspires and I highly recommend you watch this with your family and loved ones.”

Wow! Talk about total opposites.

But, if you dig around enough, you will see more reviews are negative than positive. So I started to read more reviews. The more I read, the more I found it interesting. Each negative review always came back to the same statement or two, “unrealistic” or way to optimistic”. I am hoping in this article someone, somewhere can help me understand, because I am confused? What is so unrealistic about hope? What does way too optimistic mean?

Our culture today is so out of touch it is almost too hard define anymore. We see thin people and think they are self-centered; we see fat people and think they are undisciplined. Someone starts a Business in this economy and they are crazy (then we wait to see when they close up). Another closes a Business and we get mad that they didn’t do all they could to make it work.

A long time ago we were a nation dedicated not only to making sure our families were taken care of, but our neighbors were as well. It was not about keeping up with the Jones’ or condemning them because they have more than us. It was about community and mutual respect. Those items, when mentioned, are treated like relics that you would see in a museum now.

This country, our state, even our community, will never achieve greatness again until we realize that we all need hope. We all need to be optimistic. Because the alternative is not working. This show is widely built on a principle that everyone seems to be missing; so let me point it out to all of you right now. Get off you’re butt and do something about it, whatever it is. Tony Robbins, myself or whoever is not going to show up at your door and deliver it to you. It may look that way on TV but that’s not how the real world works. Can I or Tony help you? Yes, but how would we ever do that if you don’t seek us out. How can anyone help anyone if you don’t ask for help? How do you get what you want? Do something about it.

The good life so to speak is not a miracle pill you buy and swallow. It is hard work and dedication to being better than you are today. Most importantly being better then you are tomorrow as well. I am sure all of you have heard this phrase before “Life is a journey not a destination”? But upon examining that I would like to change it a bit to read more likes this: “The good life is a journey of challenges, not a destination of despair”

Remember, be positive, be real and live your life In The Zone.

What are you Standards?

2010-07-20T11:49:00.000-04:00

I want to first share a quote with you from one of my mentors , Tony Robbins:

‎"Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is to raise your standards."

I have looked high and low and everywhere in between and the one thing I can’t find is what happened to the standards we use to keep for ourselves.

This country used to pride itself on the fact that we were going to do it better than everyone else. Now, the mentality is more like, I will just do enough to make it work, I will just study enough to pass, I will just work hard enough to win by 1. Then, we complain when things don’t go our way or we feel like we got a bum deal.

How long are we going to keep on blaming outside sources for challenges in our lives? We blame the guy at work for working harder than us. We blame the elements for not getting to work on time, we blame god for the bad breaks, when, in fact, in every single occasion, the one common denominator is us!

You want more? You better be willing to do more. You want to open a business? You better be willing to do whatever is necessary to make it work. You want to be a wonderful parent? You better be ready to do what is hard just as much as what is easy to do.

For all of you out there that at times feel like you want more, want to be more and what to do more, the only thing stopping you is your standards.

Setting the bar low allows you to not expect too much, and then, you won’t get hurt, or better yet, won’t gets your hopes up too high. The only difference between average and great is the standards that we set for ourselves.

If you are a parent, I will ask you this one question: Do you want your kids to be average or great? I don’t believe one of you would ever say average. Then, stop acting that way and raise your standards to the moon.

Now I am not saying you have to play in the Major Leagues or be CEO of a Fortune 500 company -- you don’t. But you do need to be the best anything that you are right now. If you own a small business, take it to the next level. If you are a secretary, what can you do to be the best?

Set the example and the rest will take care of itself. Take a look at some of the challenges you have ever faced and conquered. I promise you, when you look back and examine what made it possible, you will find one thing and one thing only: Every single time you raised your standards to overcome the challenge.

For me, since I was 16, I wanted to run the famous Utica Boilermaker and my standard was, I can’t do that. Well, 20 years later, at the age of 36, I had finally raised my standards to conquer my challenge.

I am proud to say, three years later I am still raising my standards ,as I finished 2 and half minutes faster than the year before.

What will be your challenge that you raise your standards to conquer?

Remember be positive, be real, and live your life In The Zone.

"Coaching In The Zone" Presents our MEGA 1YR ANNIVERSARY SHOW

2010-07-09T16:03:00.000-04:00

WOW CAN YOU BELIEVE IT HAS BEEN A YEAR ALREADY? Yes "Coaching In The Zone is turning 1 yr old, and do we have a show for you. Listen in this Sunday July 11th as we welcome back some of our most amazing guests through out the past year. You won't want to miss this. Tons of fun lots of laughs, and of course some of the most amazing individuals sharing insightful ways to empower you to live the life of your dreams. So join us this Sunday July 11th at 9:00pm EST for this 2 hour MEGA Anniversary show. If you would like to listen on your phone please call 347-857-1733 or to listen live online go to:http://www.blogtalkradio.com/coaching-in-the-zone/2010/07/12/coaching-in-the-zone

2010-06-24T22:35:00.000-04:00

This time of the year is the height of high school graduations. In that spirit, I would like to take this time to write to all those young adults and future leaders of tomorrow. The topic I choose today is one that is simple, yet, often times, missed as we go through life. "Don’t wait" is not just a statement, it is a motto to live by. I encourage all off you to go out and volunteer in your community. Go to an elderly home and ask the question: “If you could share any piece of advice with me what would it be?”

The answer will be the same across the board, DON’T WAIT!

•Don’t wait to see a sun set.

•Don’t wait to tell your Mom or Dad you love them.

•Don’t wait to go after your dreams.

•Don’t wait to travel.

•Don’t wait to help a complete stranger.

•Don’t wait to call your Sister or Brother.

•Don’t wait to have lunch with an old friend.

•Don’t wait to travel through Europe.

•Don’t wait to find the perfect job.

•Don’t wait to start your own Business.

•Don’t wait to say I’m sorry.

•Don’t wait to tell someone you love them.

•Don’t wait to start exercising.

•Don’t wait to have kids.

•Don’t wait to live life fully.

•Don’t wait to…………………….

I think you're starting to get the idea. So if you wait to do any one of these things, the sad truth is, you never will at all.

I will share one of the greatest pieces of advice I can give you at this point in time in your life: If you wait till the time is right, if you wait till you have enough money, one day, 70 years from now, someone might ask you the question: If you could share any piece of advice with me what would it be?

You will say in a shallow voice ……DON’T WAIT.

Remember be positive, be real, and live your life In The Zone.

2010-06-14T15:07:00.000-04:00

Lately, there has been quite a bit of tragedy in our area.

A man was shot by a disgruntled customer.
Two high-school kids were saverely injured in a car crash, one ultimately died.

Many times, we find ourselves searching for the answers to why these things happen or what we should do now.

When faced with hard and difficult times, more often than not, our first reaction is to shut down.

We then pull ourselves up and figure out a way to move on. As we struggle to get back to our daily routine depending on the individual or events that occurred, it may take weeks, or even months before we find any strength to move forward just a little.

Now, I am not claiming to be a psychiatrist or anything like that, but I have not only gone through my own challenges, but I have meet and interviewed many people on this subject as well.

The reason it's so hard to move forward is the questions that we ask ourselves.

Now, it’s understandable, at first, to think and ask good questions. The goal is not to keep asking the same questions over and over again. For example, let’s say you lost your job. Some might ask Why did this happen to me? or What am I going to do now? Those are common and often the first things that come to mind.

In order to get better answers in life, you need to ask better questions:

What did I learn from this experience?
What job would I love to go after now that I have this opportunity?

You see, what's most important is the need to develop the skill to focus on the solution, not the problem.

I'm sure a lot of people will say this is easier said than done. Yes, but you need to understand that this is a skill, not something you are born with.

With any skill, it can be learned over time. I am a father to two amazing children (Andrew 7, Allison 3). They are my world and I would never want to think about something happening to them. So I can’t speak from the perspective of losing a child, but I can give you an example of someone who did and what happened.

I am not sure if you are aware, but there are their five stages of grief:

Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

I believe there is a sixth stage and that is: Action or Activism. For some, when they get to this stage, they are committed to making sure that whatever event happened to them does not happen to anyone else ever again. The one person that comes to mind for me is Jack Walsh.

Jack’s son Adam was abducted at the age of 7, and 16 days later, he was found murdered. For the Walsh family, once they got through the five stages, they quickly went to work on stage six, and took massive and immediate action to make a change.

The Walsh family soon began a campaign to help missing and exploited children. Despite bureaucratic and legislative problems, John and Revé's efforts eventually led to the creation of the Missing Children Act of 1982 and the Missing Children's Assistance Act of 1984.

Following the crime, the Walsh family founded the Adam Walsh Child Resource Center, a non-profit organization dedicated to legislative reform. The centers originally located in West Palm Beach, Florida; Columbia, South Carolina; Orange County, California; and Rochester, New York; merged with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC), where John Walsh serves on the Board of Directors.

Today, Walsh continues to testify before Congress and state legislatures on crime, missing children and victims' rights issues. His latest efforts include lobbying for a Constitutional amendment for victims' rights.

The Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act (Pub.L. 109-248) was signed into law by U.S. President George W. Bush on July 27, 2006 following a two-year journey through the United States Congress and was intensely lobbied for by Walsh and the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. Primarily, it focuses on a national sex offender registry, tough penalties for not registering as a sex offender following release into society, and access by citizens to state websites that track sex offenders.

Most importantly, the Walsh’s did something else that showed us all that this act of a mad man would not hold them hostage for the rest of their lives. After the murder of Adam, the Walsh’s had three more children: Meghan, Callahan, and Hayden. Meghan was born a year after Adam was murdered, Callahan was born in 1985, and Hayden (born 1995) is the youngest child. Revé Walsh told local newspapers at the time that "there is no substitute for Adam." A side note to this as well, John Walsh did not stop there either.

Walsh has also been the host of the FOX television show "America's Most Wanted" since 1988. He was selected as host after the completion of the program's pilot and a lengthy search. By that time, Walsh was already well-known because of the murder of his son and his subsequent actions to help missing and exploited children. Walsh continues to host the show, which is now the longest-running show of any kind in FOX history and has contributed to the capture of more than 1,000 fugitives.

What kind of questions do you think the Walsh’s asked? Ones that moved them to action or ones that kept them imprisoned in the tragedy?

Ask better questions and you will get betters answers.

Remember be positive, be real and live your life In The Zone.

To post a comment click the link provided. Comment

Sean Stephenson Live on Coaching In The Zone

2010-06-09T21:59:00.000-04:00

Manny Goldman On Coaching In The Zone

2010-06-03T23:29:00.000-04:00

How do you know if you are on the right path?

2010-06-02T12:48:00.000-04:00

I have asked myself that question time and time again. And,truth be told, I'm not really sure if I have the correct answer.

Often times when we go after certain things in life, we may have enormous success right away. This drives us to not only keep going, but to also try new and different things along the way. But, somewhere along the way, things change.

Things can get harder or they get increasingly more and more challenging. The first thought is, I can’t do this anymore or I just can’t catch a break. When this happens, we try to convince ourselves that not only are we right, but that we need to find the solution immediately.

When this happens, more times than not, we quit because it is just too hard. Then, everyone around you will tell you the same thing over and over again: I am sorry things didn’t work out, but I knew it.

HOW IN THE HELL DID THEY KNOW?

They had no idea, because they gave up quicker than you did and now they will be supportive after you fail. I am not here today to preach to you that I have all the answers, because I don’t. No one does. But I can tell you this with 100 percent honesty: I know I am on the right path because my heart tells me I am.

How I feel when I have a conversation with someone who wants to find out more about what I do is an electric and empowering feeling that leaves me believing that I can do anything.

The right path is not something you find and it is not a skill you can learn. No, the question was, How do you know if you are on the right path? Easy, your heart will tell you.

If it feels right to you and only you, then you are on the right path. The most important thing is getting there.

Remember be positive, be real and live your life In The Zone.

Are you scared?

2010-05-17T10:54:00.000-04:00

I’m scared all the time.

Scared of not being the husband I need to be, scared of not being the father I should be -- scared of not providing enough for my family.

I remember when my son was going through some anxiety issues, after seeing a real scary video game. The most important thing he needed to know was that his parents where there for him; that when he reached out his hand, we were there to grab it.

I have grown and stretched to places I never dreamed of and talked to people I never knew I would ever talk to. I’ve stared at opportunities that never seemed possible. The same thing I talk to people about every day, I’ll ask you. Do you want to be average or GREAT???

Average people have an easy life. They don't rock the boat. They don't shake up the water and, for the most part, things are smooth. Until one day when they are older they realize that they could have done more and should have done more, but by then it’s too late. If that’s what you want, then I’m sorry but I don't think I can be that way ever.

Being GREAT is hard. I‘d have to sayit’s harder than I ever imagined, but also the most rewarding time of my life. The reason it’s hard is because it requires us to do the things we don’t want to do - making the call we don’t want to make, asking the question we already know the answer to. Being Great means being scared and still doing it anyway.

It is so easy to tear someone down for doing something hard or different. People do it every day in every way. From being the Monday morning sports manager, saying how your team’s coach blew the game last night to watching a debate on TV saying how wrong both candidates are on their issues. The funny thing about both of those situations is that they both have the same thing in common: Those of you pointing the finger are pointing at the wrong person.

You see, until you have walked the walk, you can’t talk the talk. You want to be heard then stop being average and blaming others and start being great and do something about it. Like I told my son when he was scared: just grab my hand and I will be right there when you need me. Take the step and I am sure when you are scared, someone somewhere will grab your hand for you to. Being scared is normal and average at the same time. Being Great is being scared and still doing something about it. Question is what do you want to be average or GREAT???

Remember be positive, be real and live your life In The Zone.

The National Networker (TNNW) Blog: CREATING AND MANAGING EFFECTIVE TEAMS: What is the Difference Between Talent and Desire?

2010-05-10T10:51:00.000-04:00

The National Networker (TNNW) Blog: CREATING AND MANAGING EFFECTIVE TEAMS: What is the Difference Between Talent and Desire?

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When is it the right time?

2010-05-07T12:52:00.000-04:00

From the moment we are born, the race is on.

If you pause long enough and listen, you can even hear it! The clock on the wall waits for no one. It doesn’t care how old you are, what color your skin is or even how intelligent you are. It keeps on ticking day in and day out. So the question I ask you is this: What are you waiting for?

•That clock doesn’t care that you’re scared.

•It doesn’t care how you see yourself (too old or too young)

•It doesn’t care that you don’t make the money you want to make.

So many times I hear “I have no time for me”, or “no time to get the things done I need to”. The truth is, you have no time because it ‘s not important enough for you to make the time. Of all things outside of our control, time is one thing we can control, if we choose to.

What is time? Whatever we want it to be. Time for a bikeride in the company of your kids, maybe time to work on your business long after you closed your doors for the day. Time is one of the most precious things we have in this world. More often than not, we treat it like garbage that can be thrown away over and over and over again. But if we look for what it truly is, (a precious resource) then I am sure we would use it a lot more wisely.

The point to this is that regardless of age, you have all the time you want the moment you realize that it is yours and no one else’s. Make good use of it, because one night you will go to bed and then wake up and it will be 30 years later. Then you won’t be saying “I don’t have enough time”. Your question will be “Where did all the time go”.

Remember be positive, be real and live your life In The Zone.

Dan Jansen On Coaching In The Zone May 9th 2010

2010-05-07T08:23:00.000-04:00

Rick Cerrone Live On Coaching In The Zone 5.2.10

2010-04-27T00:23:00.000-04:00

Making time real relationships

2010-04-23T11:16:00.000-04:00

What does a real relationship look like to you?

For some it means talking often and keeping up with each other’s busy lifestyle so we always know what is going on. For others it is even more complex -- wanting the other person to do more than they do, like call all the time and include them in everything that goes on.

Real relationships are more times than not complex, but within that relationship should be a bond that is unbreakable.

Whether you are married for 15 years or have a childhood friend for 35 years, that relationship should be based on integrity, trust, honesty and, most of all, time.

Over time families change, situations change and people change. Just because someone wants something different in their life does not mean they don’t want you in their life. Often, relationships suffer because when one person wants something different and the other either can’t or won’t try to understand why. They give up on the things that made the relationship work in the first place:

•Integrity

•Trust

•Honesty

•Time

Of all the elements involved in real relationships time seems to resonate with me more than the others. To me, if you build up the first three (integrity, trust and honesty), time really doesn't matter. You can go hours, weeks, maybe even years without talking and then when you do, it's like you just talked the other day. Real relationships transcend time and place. They do not need to be fed everyday in order for them to withstand the test of time. What they need is to be REAL and what real means to me is:

R – RESPECT

E – EVERYONE

A – AND

L – LOVE THEM

With that formula any real relationship can withstand any situation or circumstance. Remember, be positive, be real and live your life In The Zone.

Sallie Felton Live On Coaching In The Zone

2010-04-22T13:09:00.000-04:00

Benny Mardones Live On Coaching In The Zone April 18 2010

2010-04-16T22:28:00.000-04:00

Right Now!

2010-04-16T09:45:00.000-04:00

Back in 1991 a band called Van Halen wrote a song called "Right Now".

According to vocalist Sammy Hager, “The song reflects on living for the moment and not being afraid of making a change.”
How can it be that something so powerful be so simply misunderstood. The words that echo in this song can be a anthem for our nation as it embarks on some of the toughest times in recent history:

Don't wanna wait 'til tomorrow 

Why put it off another day? 

One by one, little problems build up,

and stand in our way.

Everyday we are faced with challenges: small medium and large. Every challenge may have multiple solutions, yet we get caught in the place where fear leaves us doing nothing. Then, one day, you wake up and, all of a sudden, you have huge challenges.
Right now as many of you read this article, there are issues after issues facing you in your personal or professional lives and we are taking no action on them.
Right now you are where you are in life.
Right now you can make a change that lasts forever.
Right now you can make a difference in someone's life
Right now you can change the color of your hair.
Right now you can sing a song.
Right now you can be whatever you want to be.
Right now is yours!
Whether it be a piece of music, video, or even an article, whatever it is you choose, can make a difference in your life right now. Right now, you can find something that will move you to action. Right now you can set some goals. Right now you can read this and make a change.
The Chorus of the song goes like this:
(Right now) Hey! It's your tomorrow (Right now) Come on, it's everything (Right now) Catch your magic moment Do it right here and now It means everything
Right now is your time to do something you have never done. Don't wait another day, because this thing we call life is too precious to waste. And guess what? The clock on the wall waits for no one. Do something. RIGHT NOW!

Remember be positive, be real and live your life In The Zone.

The National Networker (TNNW) Blog: CREATING AND MANAGING EFFECTIVE TEAMS: Team Building: Attitude Reflects Your Altitude in Life

2010-04-11T22:15:00.000-04:00

The National Networker (TNNW) Blog: CREATING AND MANAGING EFFECTIVE TEAMS: Team Building: Attitude Reflects Your Altitude in Life

The National Networker Companies

Don't just Stand There!

2010-04-08T13:33:00.000-04:00

Often times, life imitates sports.

In addition to owning and running my own professional coaching business, I have been coaching high school and college baseball since 1993. In those 17 years there is a statement I have made to my players time and time again: Don't just stand there! The reason being, that if you're standing still you are not helping you or your team.

If you're the catcher and there is a ground ball in the infield you better be running down the line to back up first base. If there is a throw coming to third base from right field, that pitcher better be behind third base to back-up. Being the best player or, for that matter, the best team doesn't always mean you are better physically than everyone else. More often than not, it's that you are more prepared than the other team.
Life is not about doing 5,000 things at once. It is about doing three or four things 5,000 times. Don't just stand there is a learned skill that needs to be practiced over and over and over again.

Don't just stand there is such a self serving statement in both life and sports. Don't just stand there means don't just watch the play happen. Get involved in it. How many of you are there today watching the game of life instead of getting involved in it? Don't just stand there is a way for you to be active more, breathe more and, most of all, get into the action more. A lot of times in sports you will hear people say “Wow that was a lucky play”. If they didn't get lucky, they would have lost. Other times you might hear someone say “Rather be lucky than good”. Luck is a funny word in sports and, in fact, even funnier in life. Google the word luck and you will come up with hundreds of definitions and meanings. The one I see that stands out above the rest is the true meaning of Luck to me: when preparation meets opportunity.

I will not buy the fact that life is left to a mystical word I have no control over. Why are people super successful in life or sports is simple. They Don't just stand there! They work and, work and work... harder and harder each and every day, putting themselves in position. And what you ask, are they putting themselves in position to do? Be in the right place at the right time and then someone can say : “Boy where they lucky” without knowing the truth that they had been preparing for that opportunity the whole time.

Remember be positive, be real and live your life In The Zone.

"Coaching In The Zone" Presents "The SuperCoach" Anastasia Netri

2010-04-06T11:31:00.000-04:00

"Coaching In The Zone" would like you to help us welcome our special guest this week "The SuperCoach" Anastasia Netri. Anastasia is a Business & Life Coach for entrepreneurs as well as a PSYCH-K practitioner. She combines traditional Coaching with PSYCH-K, a process that actually can "reprogram" your subconscious mind to support your desires.

Join us as we discuss "How to overcome limiting beliefs and why it is essential to success." Anastasia will give us tons of insight and value into this topic. In addition to her work as "The SuperCoach" she is also a inspirational speaker and writer, as well as host to her very own radio show called "The Conscious Entrepreneur Show" right her on Blog Talk Radio.

So please join us this Sunday night April 11th at 9:00pm EST for this amazing interview, just go to www.blogtalkradio.com/coaching-in-the-zone.

If you would like to call in with any questions for our special guest please call 347-857-1733.

We can't sugar coat life for our kids.

2010-04-04T00:42:00.000-04:00

What do you think needs to happen for us to move forward?

When will we accept the challenge?

Watch TV, read the paper, or listen to the news and life is riddled with challenge after challenge. Everyone wants to be heard but no one wants to listen to anyone. They want to be heard, so they can explain to you all the difficult times in their life, and recall with great detail each and every moment of pain. I am so sick and tired of people mistaking effort for failure and pain for depression. Individuals and organizations have opportunities to try different things every day. The problem is they try it for one day, one week or one month then say “well it doesn't work”.

The challenge I'm taking about is one that has been lost for a long time and that is a commitment to excellence. You see it from time to time in sports as well as in business. When I was growing up you played to win. It didn't matter what the game was: checkers, baseball, or basketball. No matter what, try to win. What happened when you lost? You tried that much harder to win. Why does this country lack leadership? Because more times than not we are teaching our kids to compete, be fair and everyone should get a chance to play. Does anyone see the gigantic flaw in that theory?

Life does not work that way and when those kids grow up, they expect life to treat them the same way. Then when it does not happen that way, they lack the skills to handle the challenges they face. We need to know now more than ever to challenge our youth, keep score and teach them what it takes to compete. If we don't think life is a game, we are missing a critical point. The point is we get no practice, no dress rehearsal, no editing in this game we call life. We get one chance, one shot to make the most of it. I have a 7-year-old son, and he believes he can do anything. I encourage that, but I also challenge him to be more, do more, live full each and every day.

We can't sugar coat life. It is full of challenges. What we need to do is prepare our kids and youth, by holding them to a higher standard each and everyday.

The definition of luck is: when opportunity meets preparation. Why do most people call the most successful people in the world lucky all the time? Because they don't realize that they have been preparing for that moment their whole life. Want to give more to your community, family and friends? Hold them to a higher standard in life, I guarantee you one day soon they will thank you for it.

What makes a role model?

2010-03-29T16:27:00.000-04:00

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Some say all public figures are role models.
Others say that it is parents that are the only true role models.
I say that we are all role models. The definition of a role model: A person who serves as an example, whose behavior is emulated by others. Tell me then if you were the CEO of a company and wanted your employees to act a certain way, wouldn't it mean by definition you should emulate a behavior that serves as an example to them? Or do you think it means you are the boss and you can do whatever it is you want? That’s the “do as I say not as I do” approach. Role models come in all shapes, sizes, job titles, and expertise. The true example of being a role model is not just holding others to a higher standard, but, more importantly, holding ourselves to a higher standard. The mark we leave on this world long after we're gone is not measured by money or worldly possessions; it is measured by the examples we leave behind for others to follow.

Whether you are a 15-year-old high school baseball player or a 64-year-old worker at the post office, you have an obligation to be a role model to the people you come into contact with every day. Whether you believe it or not, you make someone's day better or worse far more often than any of these athletes and musicians we hold in such high regard. Making the decision to be a role model is only as hard as we make it. I am not here to say you need to be on the evening news doing something huge. That’s not it at all. Being a role model is so much more than that. It’s doing something that no one knows about but you. It means taking the time to help someone, taking extra time to explain something to someone and taking the time to show someone you care. Those examples will be measured far more than anything else in life.

David F Muraco is a certified life coach, motivator and radio talk show host who lives in Oneida. In 2004 he founded "In the Zone", a business dedicated to helping people reach their goals. To contact David, email him at davemuraco@in-the-zone.biz or visit his website at http://In-the-zone.biz

Why Facebook is an example of a good decision.

2010-03-18T10:36:00.000-04:00

03/18/2010 01:49:00 am David F. Muraco/ Special to UDN

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Just recently I was made aware of some statistics that blew me away.

More now then ever before, people are looking at the current economic and emotional downturns we are facing as the end-all-be-all.
Then they commit to doing nothing about it until things get better. Tell me something? Who decides when that is? Analysis by a news reporter? The president? Who is it? How about You.
You see as a business owner myself, I am living in the same economic and emotional downturn as all of you. The difference is due to things I choice to do daily:

Make good decisions which allows for good results
Review my outcomes from those good decisions

Making good decisions is a strategy in both life and business. Take, for example, social media outlets. The stats I referred to earlier are as these: Facebook has capped a year of phenomenal growth by overtaking Google’s popularity among US internet users. Research firm Hitwise said that the two sites accounted for 14 percent of all US internet visits last week. Facebook’s home page recorded 7.07 percent of traffic and Google accounted for 7.03 percent. Facebook’s membership has more than doubled in the past year, passing the 200 million mark last April and 400 million in February.

Why do I share this with you? It is hard to believe the business and individuals I work with that tell me that social media is a waste of time. From a business perspective, if you are not on Facebook you might as well just close up now. Tell me another place where you can get 400 million people to look at your product or service? And from the personal side, you want more good or positive people in your life? Well I think you might find a few out of 400 million.

Understand this: where you focus goes, your energy flows (Tony Robbins). So ,if you focus on solutions. you will embrace this massive change. This is going to happen and is happening. Or you can hold on to a commitment that is only serving one person: you. Again, it will come down to two things: the decision that you make and the outcome you want to get from it.

Remember be positive, be real and live your life In The Zone.

Coaching In The Zone" Presents Listeners Choice.

2010-03-15T15:16:00.000-04:00

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"Coaching In The Zone" Presents - Listeners Choice Show. We want to hear from you. We want to know what you would like us to discuss most on our show. So what we would like you to do is click on this link http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/X7RFRVD and simple answer this one question. If you could pick one area of your life to work on, which one would you pick? Please share with us your answers, the top 3 results will be the feature topic for next weeks show. Life is about choice and here is your chance to choose our topic. So let's here from you. Remember be positive, be real and live you life In The Zone.

Got problems? Hire a coach

2010-03-12T11:05:00.000-05:00

FREE REPORT
Got Problems? Hire a Coach!

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By Ellen Goodstein • Bankrate.com

What's a cross between a psychologist and a mom, is less expensive than a shrink and doesn't apply guilt? A personal coach.

Most people think physical fitness when they hear the word "coach," but life coaches are more like a personal trainer of attitude. They help their clients put together a step-by-step plan of action for achieving success -- in the workplace or in their personal life.

Coaching can help people create more satisfaction in their jobs, find new jobs, start new ventures, get a better handle on their fears and anxiety and get out of their own way, says Barbara Walton, past president of the International Coach Federation, the largest worldwide organization of professional coaches.

Coaching might sound like therapy, but it is not, says Walton.

"Therapy focuses on healing pain and dysfunction, most often arising from the past, which hamper emotional functioning in the present. Coaching is forward moving and future focused. It focuses on thriving. Therapy focuses on surviving," she says.

What is coaching and what can it do for you?
Coaching helps you be the best you can be, explains Mark Weinstein, founder of Peak Life Habits, an executive and personal coaching firm in Albuquerque, N.M. A coach offers feedback, insights and guidance from an outside vantage point.

Weinstein coached Bruce Malott.

Malott was struggling. He was 47, a partner in an accounting and consulting firm in New Mexico and seemingly successful. Yet, he was unhappy personally and professionally.

"I was going through a devastating divorce and having trouble focusing at the office," says Malott. He sought out the services of Weinstein who helped him to get back on track. Under his guidance, Malott began to make changes in his behavior, set priorities and communicate with his partners. The impact of coaching is difficult to measure in dollars, but I know it's made a big difference, Malott says.

"Most people know what needs to be done, but struggle with the execution. Coaching holds you accountable. With Mark's help we are way more productive than ever before," says Malott.

"People seek out coaches because there's something in their life they want and they don't have," says Weinstein.

"It could be a certain position in their career or a certain quality in a relationship. It could even be a certain level of fitness that they are always on the verge of hitting but somehow always missing the mark."

A coach will help you identify habits that are impeding your success as well as sidestep the obstacles that seem to get in the way of what you want.

Procrastination is one bad habit that commonly gets in the way. We have probably all used the expression "someday I'll do this" or "one day I'll do that."

Weinstein says he guides his coaching clients to make someday into now.

"We make a plan of action, even for something as simple as cleaning your desk. Instead of someday, we make a commitment in our conversation that by next Thursday, this will be done."

How to find the coach for you
Coaches come from many backgrounds -- psychology, business, education, law -- and specialize in everything from finance to personal relationships.

To find the right coach for your needs, Joy Leach, owner of Professional Resource Initiatives and life coach for over 20 years, recommends interviewing a few coaches before hiring one.

"Coaching is a two-way process and needs to be a good fit for both coach and client to be successful," says Leach, co-author of "A Practical Guide to Working with Diversity."

She recommends the following:

Look for stylistic similarities and differences to help you determine your compatibility.
Ask questions about their typical time frame of coaching, their specific coach training, their experience as a coach, the number of individuals, organizations and situations they worked with as well as the number of years in the field.
Find out what specific expertise or specialized skills the coach would bring to the relationship.

"You want to find someone you can build a partnership with, someone with whom you can easily relate," says Leach.

Currently there are no state licensing requirements for coaches.

"Coaching is like a lot of other professions, it's up to the individual or group hiring the coach to look into their credentials," says Daniel Martinage, executive director of International Coach Federation, whose organization credentials coaches and accredits coach training programs.

"Find out whether and where the coach received training and how many hours of experience they have coaching," suggests Martinage. "Take the time to find the right person for your needs. You want to be clear about what you're looking for and be sure the person you hire fits your bill."

Cost of success
Hiring a coach can be pricey. Fees range from $200 to $800 a month depending on the coach and on the number of sessions held per month.

Coaching usually begins with either a personal interview or phone interview that assesses needs, defines the scope of the relationship and sets priorities for actions.

"Usually, clients and coaches talk once or twice a week in the beginning," says Walton. "Some people go every other week. It depends on how you choose to set it up."

The coaching relationship can last anywhere from 30 days to a year or more depending upon the goal and the individuals.

"It usually takes about three to six months to achieve sustainable change without slipping into the habits of the past," says Walton. "It's very individual. Change is certainly possible to do in 30 or 60 days."

About 80 percent of coaching is done by phone and is therefore not limited by geography says Leach, who practices from Santa Barbara, Calif.

"Phone coaching supports people's lifestyle. They can 'meet' with their coach and not lose any time traveling. It can be done on a lunch hour or between other appointments. The focus can be complete because there are no distractions on the phone," she says.

Another benefit is that you can work with someone anywhere in the country -- or the world, says Leach.

Practice makes perfect
If you hire a coach, be prepared to work.

"Homework is a big part of the work we do in coaching. Whether it's buying a book, writing a memo or cleaning your desk and developing a plan for keeping it clean -- there's work to do," says Weinstein, an adjunct professor of marketing at the University of New Mexico.

"I'll often say, 'For this week, write a memo about falling through the cracks -- listing everything that's not getting done -- and begin to work on a program of action on how to change that, including prioritizing tasks. Then the next session we will go over the plan.'"

"It may seem basic, but if no one is holding you accountable, it often doesn't get done."

Could some people have done the same thing without a coach?

"Certainly some people could and do accomplish great change without a coach. But having a coach makes it easier, more fun and cuts the time it takes to accomplish the goal," says Walton.

"I've seen transformations that are amazing."

Eighty percent of coaching clients report they have experienced a positive change in self-esteem/self confidence as a result of partnering with a professional coach. In addition to a boost in self-esteem/self confidence, respondents also reported experiencing a positive impact in relationships, communication skills, interpersonal skills, work performance and work/life balance as a result of their coaching partnership.

An overwhelming majority, 82.7 percent, of individuals who have experienced professional coaching report being "very satisfied" with their coaching experience and 96.2 percent said they would repeat it given the same circumstances.

"The bottom line is coaching works!"

Problems are not the answer

2010-03-11T08:34:00.000-05:00

03/11/2010 02:42:00 am David F. Muraco/ Special to UDN

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What do you want to focus on, problems or solutions?

Ask any kid what they want to be when they grow up and you will get all different types of answers. They'll range from playing professional baseball to ballerina, doctor or maybe even President of the United States.

The reason for this is simple, they have unlimited power. The power to believe in the unknown; the power to know that anything is possible. So why is it, most never reach those dreams? Everyone tells them how hard it is instead of explaining to them what needs to be done to get there.

I see it every single day from multiple clients coming to me with problem after problem and saying simply "I don't know what I am going to do". We have become a society that more times than not, solely focuses on the problem or challenge -- never the solution. We have been trained to constantly dive deeper and deeper into the problems of our lives or organizations, and never to seek solutions. Trying to solve problems only creates more problems.

Solutions allow you to put something in place to eliminate problems. Now, I am not saying that you will never have problems again. But with a solution in place, you have a reference point to make better, a chance to continually evolve and grow to handle more and more issues as they arrive. Ask yourself these three questions:

What would your life or organization look like if you only sought out solutions?

Imagine if you were armed with this skill as a child, what would you be able to accomplish now?

Where could you go with your organization now if you decide to develop that skill today?

You have the opportunity right now to focus on the solution. The question is, do you want to? Or do you want to keep doing what you are doing right now?

How can you get where you want to go, grow your life or business to the next level without doing something different? Embrace that inner-child and know that you also have unlimited power to do and be anything you want to be; never let anyone take that away from you.

Remember be positive, be real and live your life In The Zone.