What Defines Success?

What does it mean to be successful? We often tie our success to our careers. If we have the “grand” title than we are successful, if we earn six figures or more than we are successful, if we are well known in our industry, than we are successful, and so on and so on. However, we have also heard stories about people who are supposedly very successful – in our opinion, but in truth they are miserable with themselves and living out a sad life.

Often we compare our success to what we see in other people. If our definition of success matches up with the life they are living, then we want to do something similar to them to gain these results. For example, I think Oprah is very successful. I admire how she has transformed her live, and helped millions of people in the process. However, if I go out and host a talk show, my own magazine and TV network, will that make ME successful? Probably not because these things I have no interest in. It’s Oprah’s personality and her mindset that have made her so successful.

So what does define success? How can we really know if we are successful? I have been pondering this question lately and really thinking about what success means to me. And how will I know when I am successful in my career, or as a wife, friend, or eventually a mother? One way I would suggest figuring out what defines success for you is thinking about how it makes you feel. Think of a time when you thought you were successful and reflect on the feelings that this event created? Hopefully they were positive feelings such as happiness, relieve, a sense of pride, excitement, joy, etc. What did you bring to the table that caused this success? Maybe you studied hard and passed the bar exam or you organized a presentation that received glowing feedback. These accomplishments incorporate a characteristic within you that will lead you to success in any area of life, not just your career.

As I am writing this, I am starting to realize what success means to me. Success means to me being my authentic self in everything I do. This isn’t always easy, but it sure feels good when it happens! So what does success mean to you?

What If

I always felt blessed that I lived my life with relatively little anxiety. However, more recently, “anxiety” and I have become acquaintances. The Webster’s Dictionary defines anxiety as “abnormal fear that lacks a specific cause”. I have also heard it defined as worrying about the future or worrying about things that are out of your control. Venturing into a new career path has caused some anxiety to spark up in my everyday life. I have found myself saying, “breath” out loud more than once. Sometimes I think there is actually a little devil in my head that implants these thoughts to purposely drive me crazy!

For example, I hate making phone calls to people I don’t know. This is definitely something I am trying to work on. I won’t even order pizza because I dread the phone so much! Recently, I had to make a phone call to a woman to get some details on a presentation I was doing for her company. As soon as I thought about making the phone call, my mind starting running ahead with “what if’s”: What if she has a question I don’t know the answer to? What if I have to leave her a voicemail and then she doesn’t get back to me right away, should I call again? And if I have to call her again, how long should I wait before I make the call? What if I completely sound like an idiot on the phone and she decides she doesn’t want me to present? What if she isn’t nice? And on and on and on…so even before I picked up the phone, I had already sold myself that the call was going to go horribly wrong and I was going to lose the presentation.

What I came to realize is that I was getting myself all worked up and creating a lot of anxiety because I was letting thoughts creep in that had no absolute truth behind them. I had no idea how this woman on the phone was going to react so why did I automatically have to think the worst case scenario? In reality there are a million other scenarios that could occur. Plus, I was putting all of this energy (and time) into worrying about something that I didn’t have control over. It can be so exhausting!

What if instead of automatically generating negative thoughts or thoughts that produced worry, we pondered on all the wonderful possibilities? Maybe instead of thinking about all the horrible things that could occur in a 5 minute phone conversation, I can focus on the positive things? Or, I can just be in the moment, not in the future nor the past, and leave it up to the Universe to work out for me? Wouldn’t life be so much more enjoyable?

Secret Interest

I have a secret – I am in love with time management systems and techniques. I find myself constantly reading about the latest time management tips. I get a thrill from pulling out my massive (think bible size) red day planner and using a newly sharpened pencil to write down an appointment or schedule out my days months in advance (yes, I have not conformed to an electronic calendar and I make no apologies for this).

More recently, I was waking up in the morning with a million and one thoughts about what I should accomplish in the day ahead, but I didn’t have a plan of attack. Even though I have a deep interest in time management, I still don’t always instill these principles in my day to day life. After a rather non-productive day trying to do as much as possible without really doing anything, I looked at my ever growing “To Do” list and noticed a task: Watch DVD’s. I then remembered that Dave had let me borrow some DVD’s that focus on the aspects of running a business. I pulled out the DVD’s and one of them was a presentation from Chet Holmes on his secrets of time management. Well of course this would be the one I watch first because of my hunger for time management techniques.

I am not sure if God was sending me a message this day by directing me to the DVD, but after I watched it I felt relieve come over me. I was now equipped with the knowledge to actually knock items of my “To Do” list. Chet Holmes had outlined a few simple steps to stay organized and productive:

1. Make a list of the six most important things you want to accomplish in a day (you can keep a longer list of ongoing items you would like to accomplish).

2. Next to each of the six things you wrote down, allocate time for them.

3. Transfer the six things into your day.

4. Prioritize and make sure the most important tasks are at the beginning of your day (you are less likely to be interrupted earlier in the day before things really get moving).

5. Schedule time for email and miscellaneous things that may come up.

Half of the battle sometimes is making the time to actually organize your six most important things. However, in reality this only takes about five minutes and from my experience so far, you get those five minutes back from time that you are not spending wondering what to do next. I am practicing Chet Holmes techniques in my daily life and I wake up each morning knowing exactly what I should be working on. There is no more questioning, or dabbling in this or that…I accomplish a lot more! I encourage you to try out this system for yourself and let me know what you think? Since I am a time management addict, I want to hear your time management tips?

Odd Day

Odd Day

Today has been an extremely odd day for me. Two months ago, I resigned from my full time job to pursue what has become my passion – personal coaching (or life coaching). I came upon this career four years ago while watching Oprah. Since then, I have been obsessed with this career path. I researched the internet and read books from some of the biggest names in the field, Tony Robbins, Martha Beck, Dan Miller and many more.

One day, my supervisor asked me what my long term goals were. I expressed to her my interest in life coaching and how I would love to move into this career path someday. It wasn’t long after this that she connected me with David Muraco, Personal and Professional Coach and CEO of In The Zone-Personal and Professional Coaching Solutions. I immediately scheduled a meeting with David. I was excited that there was a life coach in the area. Most of the coaches I researched were in major metropolitan areas.

I met with David in August of 2009 and his energy and optimism immediately intrigued me. Shortly after that, he offered to coach and mentor me. Since we started working together, I have accomplished many of the goals I set for myself. However, one of those goals seemed extremely lofty at the time – pursue life coaching as a full time career. During one of our coaching sessions, David asked me when I thought it would be realistic for me to move into coaching as a full time job. I told him there is no way I could accomplish this anytime soon, it would be at least five years. And I had a million excuses, or limiting beliefs as I like to call them, as to why this wouldn’t happen any time soon, if ever.

It’s been a year since I had that conversation with David and here I sit – pursuing my dream of life coaching full time through In The Zone, and eventually within my own business. From the time we had that conversation, I started telling my husband, closest friends, and family about my goal. I started taking small steps toward the goal and envisioned myself in this lifestyle. I reached out to people who had left their job to open a business, or go into the coaching field and picked their brain for tips or advice. I continued to read anything I could get my hands on regarding not only coaching, but also entrepreneurship and owning a small business.

Then, two months ago I did what I consider to be the scariest thing in my life so far (I was seriously nauseous and thought I was going to hyperventilate). I sat down with my supervisor and gave my two months notice, making my last day April 29, 2011. I knew I was taking a chance because I could have been told to take my stuff and leave that day. However, I wanted to finish up the semester, and give them enough time to find my replacement and help train this person. I was fortunate that this worked out in my favor and I left my job on good terms.

The last week of work was surreal for me. I felt numb. Everyone was SO supportive of me. No matter how crazy they may have thought I was - leaving my full time job for something that wasn’t secure, nor producing a paycheck just yet - they never passed any negativity my way. I felt blessed to have such wonderful people surrounding me. That will be what I miss most about my past job, the supportive family atmosphere. So I left my office on April 29th, not really processing what was going on, or that I wouldn’t be going back.

After this, my husband and I went on an eight day vacation to the Caribbean. I thought this would be the perfect way to relax and then come back ready to hit my new career head on. I wasn’t as relaxed as I would have liked. I was really anxious and I didn’t sleep well. Everyday I said out loud, “What have I done? Am I crazy for leaving my job when there are a lot of people looking for work?” My husband would reassure me, as he always does, that I did the right thing. He has faith in me, and I just need to take things a day at a time. I was already worried about money, and wandered if we didn’t save enough, and will our relationship become a mess because of our decision to pursue my dream? A lot of worrying was going on…

So now that this day has come, the day that I have been looking forward to for a while, I thought I would feel extremely excited and energized this morning – I didn’t. Even though I planned my schedule out ahead of time for today, I still felt overwhelmed this morning and not sure where to start. I am so used to spending my day in an office with choices to make that pertain specifically to my job. Now I feel that I have A LOT of choices to make on a daily basis (ie – should I do the laundry or work on my business plan). I think organization, time management, and priorities will take on a whole new meaning to me. I am thankful that I reached out to a good friend to share with her how my day was going. She sent me the perfect email to assure me that I have what it takes to make this happen, and she provided some great ideas to try to keep myself focused (she was definitely my coach for today!). I am sure as time goes on this will become the new normal for me and the days won’t feel as odd…

I am P-ssed!

You know I don’t know if I can even say “I am P-ssed” but I am going to anyway. I am so P-ssed off right now I can scream. I know it has been sometime since I have written any articles and that is just one of the many reasons I am p-ssed off. Let me list why I am so mad right now:


• I am p-ssed at myself for not raising my standards to meet my outcomes.

• I am p-ssed at myself for letting people influence some of my decisions.

• I am p-ssed at everyone I talk to that tells me all the bad things in their life.

• I am p-ssed at business owners who would rather tell me what they can’t do than what they can do.

• I am p-ssed at all the people out their blaming everyone else for their challenges in their life.

• I am p-ssed that government is for the government and not for the people anymore.

• I am p-ssed that we as a society choose to be average instead of great.

• I am p-ssed that we encourage kids to be like everyone one else, instead of being their own person.

• I am p-ssed that individuals and organizations want results but don’t want to do the work to reap the rewards.

Think you get the picture. Often times I coach people to not let their anger take over, and for the most part that is true. But there comes a time when you need to use it, channel it and let it explode all over the map. This is that time for me. This is the day that I refuse to lower my standards to meet someone else’s expectations. Gone are the days of letting someone say “I wish it was easier” and then me agreeing with them. The quote the late great Jim Rohn “Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better.” Stop complaining about how bad it is and do something about it. Raise your standards beyond your expectations of life. Deliver more than people ask for or even expect. What kind of world would we have it that was the norm instead of the exception. Not too long ago this world was built on the idea that anything was possible, new discoveries, new lands and new adventures. I am p-ssed that it took me this long to feel this way, but exhilarated at the opportunities that lie ahead of me.

Remember be positive, be real, and life you life In The Zone.

Bucket List

Anyone that even slightly knows me is aware that I am a HUGE fan of Oprah Winfrey. Such a big fan in fact that my mother at one point had to tell me that it was really becoming annoying that I was starting every sentence with “Oprah says…” So, it’s probably no surprise that I was watching Oprah while she was shooting her show from Australia. Oprah commented that everyone should have a trip to Australia on their Bucket List, and at that moment, I started thinking about my own Bucket List…I actually was thinking of the lack of my own Bucket List.


I do believe strongly in having personal and professional goals, but for some reason, January is almost over and I still cannot get myself to sit down and figure out what my goals for 2011 will be. However, the idea of a Bucket List is exciting to me! It takes into account the big dreams you want fulfilled, the experiences you want to have, and the joy you want to get out of life before you die – which we all know is inevitable.

I have been thinking hard, but not too hard since a Bucket List is not supposed to be painful to create, and I have come up with a start to my List:

1. Drive across the United States in an RV visiting as many states as possible along the way.

2. Complete a marathon.

3. Live debt free! Pay cash for everything.

4. Visit Australia – I have always wanted to do this, not just because Oprah was their!

5. Visit Disneyland as if I was a child again.

I suggest that you take some time to really think about what excites you! What have you always wanted to do that seemed impossible! You never know when opportunities will arise that will allow you to cross off one of the items on the List. And in the meantime, it allows you to dream a little like a kid creating their Christmas List for Santa! So what will be on your Bucket List?

Kristen Semrau-Mattison is a Life Coach, Career Counselor, and Inspirational Speaker. With over 10 years experience working with a diverse range of individuals and organizations, Kristen has helped many to fulfill their personal and professional goals in various capacities.  To receive a FREE 45 minute Coaching Session from Kristen please visit http://www.in-the-zone.biz/

The Changes that Matter

A lot has changed since I last wrote a column:

• Turned the clocks back
• Had our big mid-term elections
• Baseball season ended
• Basketball and Hockey seasons started

Lots and lots of things are different. New people were elected to Congress, the Senate and local government. Lebron James made his debut with the Miami Heat -- much to the dislike of NBA fans all across the country.

Lots and lots of change all around us.

  

So the question I will ask you is this: How it has all of this changed your life? Do you feel different? Do you think that this new congressman or State Senator will help deliver some big change that will give you great promise and hope of a fulfilled life? Do you really care if Lebron James wins an NBA championship or not? And for that matter, will it bring you great joy and happiness to see him lose?

You see, change is all around us: seasons change, elected officials change, and even our favorite athletes change teams, and none of it really matters. In our lives not one of these things makes a difference. Only what we do, and how we change truly matters in our lives.

Sitting in front of the TV pointing fingers at elected officials, saying how bad this country is screwed up, does not give you a solution to your situation. Iit gives you a crutch to lean on.

Such is the story of a man who sits at a wedding making fun of everyone dancing but never dances the dance of life. We are in an incredible time in history. Some will come out of this with the taste of living an extremely fulfilled life. Others will come out of it saying the same thing they did going into it: “ if that SOB didn’t get elected things would have been a lot better” or “If my boss was not suck a jerk I would be running this company.”

One of my mentors is a man who I never met but have read all of his books and I listen to many of his CD’s. His name is Jim Rohn. Jim had a quote I would like to share with you. He said, “For some reason people don’t like birthdays much when they get older, I think the reason is simple that there are more candles on their cake than accomplishments in their life”. I

Now answer me this question – Is that what you want -- to be the person who regrets birthdays because you spent most of your adult life surviving instead of living?

Folks I am not saying you have to be a millionaire. Hell, I’m not saying anything about money. What I am saying is what is the one thing you want to do that you don’t do? It could be as little as volunteering for your favorite charity or starting your own business, it is up to you to decide.

But, if you spent the rest of your days surviving, I promise you when your time comes, you will be surrounded by your family. If you spent your time living, I promise you, when your time comes, you will be surrounded by all those you have touched in your life.

  

There is old saying not sure who said it, but it goes like this:

“Accept today as it is, for yesterday is gone and tomorrow has not come yet.”

The only thing that has control over any of us in this world is………………………………………US. Congratulations now that you have control do something about it. Welcome Back, God bless.

Remember be positive, be real and live your life In The Zone