What Defines Success?

What does it mean to be successful? We often tie our success to our careers. If we have the “grand” title than we are successful, if we earn six figures or more than we are successful, if we are well known in our industry, than we are successful, and so on and so on. However, we have also heard stories about people who are supposedly very successful – in our opinion, but in truth they are miserable with themselves and living out a sad life.

Often we compare our success to what we see in other people. If our definition of success matches up with the life they are living, then we want to do something similar to them to gain these results. For example, I think Oprah is very successful. I admire how she has transformed her live, and helped millions of people in the process. However, if I go out and host a talk show, my own magazine and TV network, will that make ME successful? Probably not because these things I have no interest in. It’s Oprah’s personality and her mindset that have made her so successful.

So what does define success? How can we really know if we are successful? I have been pondering this question lately and really thinking about what success means to me. And how will I know when I am successful in my career, or as a wife, friend, or eventually a mother? One way I would suggest figuring out what defines success for you is thinking about how it makes you feel. Think of a time when you thought you were successful and reflect on the feelings that this event created? Hopefully they were positive feelings such as happiness, relieve, a sense of pride, excitement, joy, etc. What did you bring to the table that caused this success? Maybe you studied hard and passed the bar exam or you organized a presentation that received glowing feedback. These accomplishments incorporate a characteristic within you that will lead you to success in any area of life, not just your career.

As I am writing this, I am starting to realize what success means to me. Success means to me being my authentic self in everything I do. This isn’t always easy, but it sure feels good when it happens! So what does success mean to you?

What If

I always felt blessed that I lived my life with relatively little anxiety. However, more recently, “anxiety” and I have become acquaintances. The Webster’s Dictionary defines anxiety as “abnormal fear that lacks a specific cause”. I have also heard it defined as worrying about the future or worrying about things that are out of your control. Venturing into a new career path has caused some anxiety to spark up in my everyday life. I have found myself saying, “breath” out loud more than once. Sometimes I think there is actually a little devil in my head that implants these thoughts to purposely drive me crazy!

For example, I hate making phone calls to people I don’t know. This is definitely something I am trying to work on. I won’t even order pizza because I dread the phone so much! Recently, I had to make a phone call to a woman to get some details on a presentation I was doing for her company. As soon as I thought about making the phone call, my mind starting running ahead with “what if’s”: What if she has a question I don’t know the answer to? What if I have to leave her a voicemail and then she doesn’t get back to me right away, should I call again? And if I have to call her again, how long should I wait before I make the call? What if I completely sound like an idiot on the phone and she decides she doesn’t want me to present? What if she isn’t nice? And on and on and on…so even before I picked up the phone, I had already sold myself that the call was going to go horribly wrong and I was going to lose the presentation.

What I came to realize is that I was getting myself all worked up and creating a lot of anxiety because I was letting thoughts creep in that had no absolute truth behind them. I had no idea how this woman on the phone was going to react so why did I automatically have to think the worst case scenario? In reality there are a million other scenarios that could occur. Plus, I was putting all of this energy (and time) into worrying about something that I didn’t have control over. It can be so exhausting!

What if instead of automatically generating negative thoughts or thoughts that produced worry, we pondered on all the wonderful possibilities? Maybe instead of thinking about all the horrible things that could occur in a 5 minute phone conversation, I can focus on the positive things? Or, I can just be in the moment, not in the future nor the past, and leave it up to the Universe to work out for me? Wouldn’t life be so much more enjoyable?

Secret Interest

I have a secret – I am in love with time management systems and techniques. I find myself constantly reading about the latest time management tips. I get a thrill from pulling out my massive (think bible size) red day planner and using a newly sharpened pencil to write down an appointment or schedule out my days months in advance (yes, I have not conformed to an electronic calendar and I make no apologies for this).

More recently, I was waking up in the morning with a million and one thoughts about what I should accomplish in the day ahead, but I didn’t have a plan of attack. Even though I have a deep interest in time management, I still don’t always instill these principles in my day to day life. After a rather non-productive day trying to do as much as possible without really doing anything, I looked at my ever growing “To Do” list and noticed a task: Watch DVD’s. I then remembered that Dave had let me borrow some DVD’s that focus on the aspects of running a business. I pulled out the DVD’s and one of them was a presentation from Chet Holmes on his secrets of time management. Well of course this would be the one I watch first because of my hunger for time management techniques.

I am not sure if God was sending me a message this day by directing me to the DVD, but after I watched it I felt relieve come over me. I was now equipped with the knowledge to actually knock items of my “To Do” list. Chet Holmes had outlined a few simple steps to stay organized and productive:

1. Make a list of the six most important things you want to accomplish in a day (you can keep a longer list of ongoing items you would like to accomplish).

2. Next to each of the six things you wrote down, allocate time for them.

3. Transfer the six things into your day.

4. Prioritize and make sure the most important tasks are at the beginning of your day (you are less likely to be interrupted earlier in the day before things really get moving).

5. Schedule time for email and miscellaneous things that may come up.

Half of the battle sometimes is making the time to actually organize your six most important things. However, in reality this only takes about five minutes and from my experience so far, you get those five minutes back from time that you are not spending wondering what to do next. I am practicing Chet Holmes techniques in my daily life and I wake up each morning knowing exactly what I should be working on. There is no more questioning, or dabbling in this or that…I accomplish a lot more! I encourage you to try out this system for yourself and let me know what you think? Since I am a time management addict, I want to hear your time management tips?