Six Principles

When people hear that I heard Rudolph Giuliani speak at the “Get Motivated” seminar, they often want to know what his message was. I was really impressed by his openness to discuss 9/11, and inspired by his basic principles of success:

1. Find a mentor, someone that is doing what you achieve to do, and listen to what they have to say.

2. Make sure your read books. If you don’t like to read, find a topic that interests you and then buy books on it. He hated to read, but loved the NY Yankees so his parents bought him books on the NY Yankees and that sparked his interest in reading. Now he is always reading – one book for pleasure and one book for personal growth.

3. Write things down. Take notes. Make pro/con lists. Write down your goals!

4. Everyday do nothing for five minutes (relax).

5. Learn how to listen and ask questions of those you look up to.

6. It’s better to be around when things go wrong then when they go right.

Maybe you are already instilling these principles in your life. If so, which ones? If not, what principles can you start applying now?

What Was Lacking In Your Twenties?

For the first time ever, I ran my credit report. As I was reviewing it, I realized that I had charged thousands of dollars on credit cards starting at 19 years old. It was only recently that I stopped using credit cards, and I can honestly say that I no longer possess a lot of the items that were purchased on credit. I remember many times when I needed a new shirt to wear out on Friday night, or my friends wanted to go out for dinner, or I decided I deserved a weekend away in Boston even though I didn’t have the cash to pay for it. The credit cards always came to the rescue and made things happen. I am still paying cash on a monthly basis for those bad decisions that were years ago!

I really believe that one of the reasons I made some of those decisions was because I was confused! I didn’t really know what I wanted or what I believed in. I graduated college and was instantly removed from my five best friends that I had lived with for a year or longer. I also lost the flexibility that’s allowed in college. The story I had always believed was that I would graduate college and get a job and live happily ever after! This story was far from the truth. I was extremely let down when I started working full time. I felt as if my job was my life and it was suffocating me. I ended up taking refuge in material things, or going out partying with friends. At 23 years old I told myself that I was young and would eventually grow up and get a good paying job to pay off the debt! I have learned that this is also a lie.

It wasn’t until about five years later that I decided I needed to figure out who I was as an individual and what I wanted out of my life. I was enrolled in graduate school and getting my Masters in Counseling and I figured that I should probably experience counseling for myself if I was going to be a counselor. I started seeing a counselor on a weekly basis. Within a few months, I started breaking down the beliefs that I had about myself, as well as examining the expectations that others had placed on me.

I noticed that as I started to become more emotionally raw and in tune with my true self, I started finding less joy in shopping. I learned that some of the things that I value are freedom and security. I knew that it would be impossible to have either of these with enormous debt. I also became more confident with who I was as a person which caused me to be more assertive and speak up if I was unable to afford something. This self-exploration changed the way I use and value money.

The reason I am sharing all of this is because I have been reflecting a lot lately on the life that I led in my twenties. For the most part, I loved that decade of my life, but I really wish I would have taken more time early on to get in touch with my true self. College was a great time for me to gain responsibility, make friends, and learn about the field I thought I was interested in, but I didn’t learn a whole lot about me. Once you are removed from your parents, it’s the perfect time to figure out who you are independent of them, but I don’t know of any classes in college that teach this.

More recently, I have found some really great resources on this subject and I wish I would have known about these while I was going through my little twenty something crisis. Christine Hassler has written a few books on this subject, “20 Something 20 Everything” and “20 Something Manifesto”. I read both of these and did the exercises. I wish I would have read them 10 years ago! Jenny Blake has an amazing blog that is chocked full of tips for “Life After College”, which is the title of her new book. If you are feeling at all like you are in a twenty or thirty something crisis, I encourage you to check these amazing women out! They have coached me a lot through their books and blogs and don’t even know it!

I would love to hear if others have had a similar experience in their twenties? If not, what do you think helped prepare you for life after graduation?

Decisions

I gave myself a sick day. Coming off of a hilarious, party-hardy, lost my voice weekend with my girlfriends, I still have a bit of a “fun-hangover”, and it is Wednesday already! I got out of bed at 6 a.m., only to sneak back to bed at 7 a.m. after my husband left for work.

While waking up from my early a.m. nap, I told myself today is going to be a waste…I was fighting a cold, didn’t have my voice, and I was just sooo tired! The joy of being self-employed is that you don’t have to call your boss to tell them you’re sick and won’t be coming into work. This is also the downside of being self-employed. You can have as many sick days as you would like (whether they are justified or not).

Ok, so I am feeling tired, have a raspy voice and the sniffles. I don’t have to go out in public or expose others to my germs. There really was no reason I couldn’t knock of the few goals I set for myself today.

I’m not going to say that I turned the day around and crossed off everything on my “To Do” list...I actually spent most of the day having an internal fight with myself that centered around getting stuff done versus lying on the couch. However, there came a point in the day where I recognized that I could either continue to fight with myself to step away from the couch, or I could make a decision to be OK with my laziness. Tomorrow is always a new day and the “To Do” list will still be there. I chose to keep my sick day.

Regain Your Freedom

With Independence Day passing, the word “freedom” was mentioned a lot. This got me thinking about the country we live in, and how much freedom and independence we are privileged to have as citizens of the United States. However, I still hear people every day who talk as if they have lost their freedom. They are in jobs or relationships that are holding them captive, or the economy is bad so they have to put their dream on hold, or they don’t have enough money just yet, and on and on.

It can be difficult to live the life we want at times when we feel as if outside circumstances are holding us hostage. There came a point in my life where I became so overly conscious of the horrible things that were going on in the world that I began to live my life in fear of these things. For example, if my husband was five minutes late getting home, I told myself that he had been in a horrible car accident and then I would obsessively try to get a hold of him. Or, this is really funny, I would hurry through my morning shower because I thought for sure someone was going to break in and attack me while I was showering. My fear was manifesting into my own personal jail cell.

Then I decided one day that I had to make a change. I stopped watching the morning and evening news, and stayed away from websites that focused on the latest headlines. I began to free myself from the fear that had started to trap me. My thoughts were no longer filled with the horrid stories that were occurring in the world. I began to live a little more carefree and worry a lot less. I regained my freedom.

Have you lost your freedom somewhere along the way? It’s important to keep in mind that as long as you are living in this country, you are free! But the power lies within you to live a life of freedom.

Remember, people have sacrificed their lives fighting for freedom. We should not take advantage of it. What decision will you make today to set yourself free?