Fighting with Reality

"Circumstances are reality and when you argue with reality you lose, but only 100% of the time."

-Byron Katie

I love this quote from Byron Katie. Whenever I read it I find myself letting out a sigh of relief. I think, “I don’t have to do anything, life plays out as it does and I cannot control this. The only thing I can control is the story I tell myself about life.”

How many times have you told yourself the following?

-That shouldn’t have happened

-He/She shouldn’t have done that

-I shouldn’t have done that

-How could this happen to me

-I don’t deserve this

Recognize how you feel when you think the statements above. Do they bring feelings of joy, gratitude, and happiness? Or do you feel resentment, regret, guilt, and anger?

Whenever I start to tell myself, “that shouldn’t have happened”, I start to feel confused and try to come up with answers and tell myself stories to justify why the circumstance occurred. I argue with myself to find the answer to why it happened. I become angry at myself or others. It doesn’t feel good. I lose.

It’s factual that we cannot go back and change the past; however, a lot of times that is exactly what we try to do. We argue with ourselves and others over circumstances that occurred yesterday, last month, or years ago. We will never win this game.

So what can you do? You can reevaluate the judgment that your mind has created around the situation. You can look closely at the story you are telling yourself about the circumstance. How is this story serving you? Are there other ways you can look at or think about the situation? Once you start to inquire more within your thoughts, you start to be a little more open to reality. You start to understand a story about the situation that may feel better. That doesn’t leave you losing.

If you are interested in inquiring more on your thoughts and the effect they have over your reality, I highly recommend you check out The Work of Byron Katie.

Awestruck

My husband and I just returned from our final vacation of the summer. We visited family on Cape Cod, and then went to Martha’s Vineyard for a wedding of a good friend of mine.

Throughout this last year, I have been fortunate to spend some time in the Caribbean. The crystal clear ocean and white sand beaches are truly stunning. However, nothing compares to spending time near the Atlantic on the east coast.

Do you remember the first time you saw the ocean? I was around 9 or 10 and my family went camping with some friends in Maine. I will never forget when I walked over the sand dunes and saw for the first time the massive body of water, the Atlantic Ocean. I gasped out loud and was speechless. I saw the most beautiful navy blue water with no end in sight. It was completely mesmerizing (kind of like watching a camp fire). At that moment I felt so small and insignificant compared to this ocean. So much history has occurred within its boundaries. It’s the most beautiful thing, yet it can be deadly. I started thinking about all the marine life that was thriving underneath the water – a whole new world under there…

Now that I am older with much more responsibility and experiences under my belt, beautiful things in life sometimes pass me by without me giving it a second thought. I’m always moving fast trying to get the next thing accomplished. This trip to the ocean reminded me to slow down and absorb all the beauty this world has to offer.

The Joys of Transition

Since leaving my job, I have been journaling my transition - my transition from full time employment to self-employment/entrepreneurship. It’s interesting to me how quickly we forget how we react when going through a major transition in life.

It has been 4 months since I left my full-time job. I can look back now and realize that I really didn’t have a concrete game plan in place when I left my job. Yes, I planned on pursuing a career as a Life Coach and by December want to own my own coaching business, but I didn’t fully think about everything that would have to transgress between now and then. I couldn’t get past my excitement of leaving a 40 hour a week job that I had become stagnant in. The excitement was as far as my feelings would take me.

Once that first Monday came around where I didn’t have to wake up and drive to an office I felt lost. I didn’t know where to start. I was close to paralyzed with indecision. There were days when waking up was difficult because I had a whole day of nothing planned and that made me anxious. I tried to incorporate a routine workout program, only to feel so tired in the morning that I would sleep through my “scheduled” workout. I would come up with great ideas on programs to create, or ways to advertise myself, but then fear would overcome me and I would hear a little voice saying, “that’s stupid, no one cares, don’t do it”, and I would follow the voice.

I became angry with myself. I thought something was wrong with me. I would constantly ask myself, “Why am I so tired? Why can’t I make a decision? How did I just spend three hours on Facebook/Twitter/LinkedIn? What do people think of me? Wonder if I completely fail at this entrepreneur thing?” This went on for weeks.

Then slowly, I began to have more energy. I found myself waking up at 6 am for my morning ritual of watching Joyce Meyer on TV, prayer and devotion, then working out. I actually started sticking to an exercise plan. I realized that as I was exercising, I would come up with ideas, and these ideas would put me on a path of action for the day. I set out to accomplish a few things each day, even if it was just to pay the bills. Once I accomplished one thing, it gave me the momentum to keep going.

I realized that when I have an idea, I have to jump on it before the devilish voice defeats me. Acting on the ideas generated meetings with people, where I was actually getting out of the house! Instead of feeling overwhelmed, I started being more aware to what felt right to me. This lead me to make more confident decisions, and once I decided on something I moved right ahead without questioning myself.

I was reading my journal of the last few months and I realized how far I have come. I am in no way where I want to be, but I have more focus and confidence and my thoughts are so much more positive! I feel so blessed for pursuing a career that I am really passionate and excited about. I look forward to the challenges ahead. I feel blessed for everything around me and for what the last four months have taught me.

I wish I would have remembered that with any transition (high school to college, single to married, job to new job) there is an adjustment period. I believe it’s your unconscious mind telling you that things have changed and it may take a while to get back on a comfortable track. I would have been kinder to myself and enjoyed the time knowing that this too shall pass.