Fighting with Reality

"Circumstances are reality and when you argue with reality you lose, but only 100% of the time."

-Byron Katie

I love this quote from Byron Katie. Whenever I read it I find myself letting out a sigh of relief. I think, “I don’t have to do anything, life plays out as it does and I cannot control this. The only thing I can control is the story I tell myself about life.”

How many times have you told yourself the following?

-That shouldn’t have happened

-He/She shouldn’t have done that

-I shouldn’t have done that

-How could this happen to me

-I don’t deserve this

Recognize how you feel when you think the statements above. Do they bring feelings of joy, gratitude, and happiness? Or do you feel resentment, regret, guilt, and anger?

Whenever I start to tell myself, “that shouldn’t have happened”, I start to feel confused and try to come up with answers and tell myself stories to justify why the circumstance occurred. I argue with myself to find the answer to why it happened. I become angry at myself or others. It doesn’t feel good. I lose.

It’s factual that we cannot go back and change the past; however, a lot of times that is exactly what we try to do. We argue with ourselves and others over circumstances that occurred yesterday, last month, or years ago. We will never win this game.

So what can you do? You can reevaluate the judgment that your mind has created around the situation. You can look closely at the story you are telling yourself about the circumstance. How is this story serving you? Are there other ways you can look at or think about the situation? Once you start to inquire more within your thoughts, you start to be a little more open to reality. You start to understand a story about the situation that may feel better. That doesn’t leave you losing.

If you are interested in inquiring more on your thoughts and the effect they have over your reality, I highly recommend you check out The Work of Byron Katie.